Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Sunday's duel between Kyle Busch and Greg Biffle reminded me of that saying "Either way, it's awful!" We had high, high hopes for our boy Carl Edwards, who rolled off 3rd, but it was not to be a three-week three-pete for the #99 driver. Now all eyes turn South, South toward Homestead, where the long and left-turning road that is the 2005 Cup season will end, and one man will hold high that curiously labial trophy, and he will kiss it.
Who will that man be? I'll say it again: You've gotta believe that NASCAR wants that man to be Carl Edwards. Young, spunky, wild, in control, cheerful, polite and extremely handsome all at the same time, Carl will TAKE OVER as the TOP STAR if he wins!
On Sunday, however, the tight-as-a-tick Cup race was eclipsed by the breaking news that Kurt Busch had been suspended by Roush for the rest of the season after a driving incident Friday night. Seems like the Arizona po-po thought Kurt was driving reckless, and so on and so forth, and one thing led to another. What's telling, I think, is the speed with which Roush & Co. deferred to "the sponsors" and moved quickly to bounce Kurt from the car. But why now, when he's still in the Chase and he's leaving Roush anyway?
"Payback" was a word murmured by the Mean Old Coaches in the NBC booth. It makes you wonder if maybe Kurt was so impossible that NO ONE could put up with him, and when he hit the wall, so to speak, EVERYBODY -- sponsors, team executives and all -- wanted to snap a wet towel at his bony butt on the way out the door. "We're officially retiring as Kurt Busch's apologists, effective today," said Geoff Smith, Roush president. YIKES! That's like the kind of thing one saves up to say, then delivers with a glee that is altogether unconcealable.
So anyway, on Sunday, Kenny Wallace drove the #97 car. In the points race, practically speaking, at this point we DeVine 9 1/2 fans are just watching to see if Carl can jump up and win the Cup, and if Jamie McMurray can knock Jeff Gordon out of 11th place to collect the Million Dollar Bonus.
Of course, I am SO pulling for Jamie. What does Jeff need with a million dollars? A new dinner service for the yacht? A whole little miniature town populated by thousands and thousands of those adorable porcelain pooches from Erwin Pearl? Go Jamie! A second consecutive 11th place showing will totally set Jamie up to make the Chase and win the Cup next time!
The invocation Sunday was brought by the Rev. Ken Bowers, chaplain of the speedway. This preacher was one of those who can't stop saying brand names. I openly gasped when he reminded The Lord that today's race was "presented by Techron." Jesse McGuire blew the National Anthem on the trumpet. He definitely put that thing places where the human voice cannot go. Next, 100,000 fans + four F-16s = WOO HOO!
Rotating gloriously atop the Bud pole was Denny Hamlin, the new hottie driving the #11 for FedEx. We like Denny! Great name, too. The first caution came out when Stanton Barrett wrecked. The announcers always remind us that Stanton is a stunt driver. Boy, I hope he doesn't ever get any movie parts where he is supposed to NOT wreck!
Next the caution came out for poor Mikey Waltrip, who, like Stanton, blew a right front. Biffle led at the restart. Soon, Carl passed Tony Stewart for 3rd! A right-front was again to blame when Earnhardt Jr. hit the wall in Turn 3.
Following a caution for debris, a wreck popped up that involved Scott Riggs, Bobby Labonte and Jamie. After the restart came a wreck involving Kenny Schrader, Jimmy Spencer and others. At the restart, Carl was chasing Biffle.
Next we had a real cute piece of business. Jeff and Jimmie Johnson had just pitted under green and gotten back out when Brian Vickers wrecked Jeff Green, who did not like it one bit. We figured out right away that Brian was just "taking one of the team," as they say in the boardroom. In fact, he was being Jeff and Jimmie's LITTLE WRECK MONKEY! Brian is a little wreck monkey! Yes him is! Yes him is!
Kyle Busch was the leader. Then Denny had a wreck, thanks Kevin Harvick! Carl made some great moves -- including this really cool thing where he got low on the apron and then just sprung up high to sail around Robby Gordon -- but he could not catch Kyle.
After the race, Kyle was adamant in his defense of his brother. He walked out of his own press conference after declaring that "usually, things in the media are false," only to return 20 minutes later (a trip to the trailer? An episode of "This Is Your Life If You Don't Shut Up"?). Anyway, the elder Busch's late-season crack-up definitely gave the Mean Old Coaches something to say besides, "If the season ended right now..."
Well, y'all, that's all I got this week. We'll be back next week for Homestead. GO CARL EDWARDS! Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!
Love,
Betty Jack DeVine
E ME at Bettyjack@gaytona.com
