NASCAR Tickets are available for the Samsung Radio Shack 500 and all Nextel Cup races.

Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! And especially welcome all y'all freaky fans who are heading to my home track in the ATL this week to watch the racing at NASCAR's fastest speedway!

Congratulations to Sunday's winner, Jimmie Johnson. At Las Vegas, the DeVine 91/2 had three guys in the top 10. In the points race, we've got four dudes.

Before the flag dropped Sunday, the weekend's biggest story was Kevin Harvick. Kevin got busted because his crew had altered his fuel cell during qualifying to make it look like the tank was packed with gas when it was not. NASCAR officials are supposed to hand out their punishments this week. FOX's announcers said they are expecting the penalty to be a heavy one, as the infraction was quite deliberate. Kevin started at the back because of this.

FOX on Sunday continued its new pattern of blabbing about stuff for an hour and fifteen minutes before the race starts. I think that frankly, this is a disrespectful use of the public's time on Sunday, when every moment should be treated as precious, since Monday looms so near. In protest, Cherelle and I lounged in the back yard, soaking up glorious rays and admiring the lawn, which had been cut Saturday for the first time this year.

It was all "champagne cylinder-heads and caviar crank-cases" with Robin Leach presiding Sunday as announcer. The Rev. Kenny Farmer, speedway chaplain, offered the invocation. Former "American Idol" star Diana DeGarmo, who is a fellow metro Atlantan, sang the National Anthem. The Flying Thunderbirds served a really strong flyover, with six planes roaring.

Ryan Newman was on the pole when the green flag fell, but he didn't lead the first: Give that one to Biffle. The Las Vegas track quickly proved the fans were in for an action day at lap 12, when Dale Jr. got into the back of Brian Vickers just enough to send the #25 car spinning and wreck out the #8 car as well. Bobby Labonte and Ricky Rudd got messed up, too. Brian jumped out giving the familiar "what the ****, man?" wave at Jr., but the Bud guy put up no defense, admitting afterwards, in a joint interview with Brian, that he was all to blame. Dale Jr. = class act. Smokin' Robbie Gordon next got the yellow flying at lap 59.

At lap 65, poor Elliott, who was already a lap down, got bumped and wrecked by that sorry Matt Kenseth. "Matt, you bitch!" Dixie shouted at the TV. Fate had its revenge after the restart when Matt had to come in under green for tire trouble. Oddly, FOX blamed a "power failure" around this time for a continuing series of glitches that, among other things, drastically reduced the amount of moving titles they could throw over the picture. Actually, it was quite nice like that! Caution number four came out when Ken Schrader got into the back of Jason Leffler at the entrance to pit lane. Boy, this Leffler guy is sure proving to be an entertaining fellow! He's had some crazy wreck every week so far!

Poor Kasey Kahne! He brought out the fifth caution by spinning and hitting the wall ass-first. Looking for any good news at the point, we duly noted that Jamie got the lucky dog pass. Blaney had a good stop, picking up two positions. Mikey's bad luck continued, as he was sent to the tail end of the longest line on the restart for having refueled with no catch-can attached. Big Dave Blaney grabbed the lead after the restart! Way to race, new guy!

With 92 to go, debris brought out the caution; score Carl Edwards the lucky dog. Restarting with 92 to go, Ryan was our leader, then Jimmie Johnson took it. Caution fell as Scott Riggs went for a spin, then again, for debris with 69 to go. Everyone was getting very tricky about what they were doing in the pits, as far as stretching fuel, picking up track position, and so on and so forth. With just 44 to go, caution fell again as Hermie Sadler wrecked out, hitting both the inside and outside walls. Now everyone was taking four. Some hard racing by the #12 and the #24 dropped them both back three positions, and then came Jimmie Johnson, overtaking Kyle Busch and going on to win, as Elliott's bad day finished out with him coming in under green with 11 to go.

LAS VEGAS SUN SHINES ON GAYTONA!

Friends last week Susan Snyder, one of the top writers at the Las Vegas Sun, did a hilarious column about Gaytona.com! Susan called at the last minute, talked to me for just a little bit, and wrote up a really funny piece! She's the first writer whose article on the site managed to work in politics, opera, and the expression "getting tore up!" Check the article out right here. Thanks a million for calling, Susan!

LEARNING JR. SOME MANNERS?

Dale Jr.'s Enterprise Rental Car ads are always cute to follow. In one, you'll recall, he rented a convertible, then ending up making out on Lovers Lane with some 50s-era ponytail girl. In another, he describes what he likes about all the individual people at Enterprise. In the newest one, Jr. rents one of those hot CTS Cadillacs and is walking toward it with some cotillion-type chick in evening clothes when she looks over and drawls at him, "Dale Jr., you'd best open that door for me!" He scampers to do so, of course. But in my mind I wanted him to give her a little Elvis look and snarl back, "Hell, bitch -- the window-net's down, climb on in!"

LET'S HOPE THIS CATCHES ON!

I was thrilled to read recently in the Wall Street Journal that ESPN and ABC are going over to a split-screen format during commercial breaks for its IndyCar broadcasts. This makes SO much sense! Not only do we get a better show because we can see what's happening all the time, but, from an advertiser's standpoint, we have a reason to pay attention during commercials. FOX and NBC really ought to upgrade their presentation with this great new idea.

That's it for this week, friends. If any of y'all are coming to Atlanta, drop a note and I'll tell you where we're at in the infield. Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!