Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Congratulations to Greg Biffle for his win on Sunday. Our DeVine 91/2 had a pretty good week, with five guys in the top 10. Already, four of our boys are in the top 10 -- watch for Ryan to move up next!
If you chose this week to try and give your "NASCAR testimony" and get a non-believer to watch, they probably slept through a lot of it. Yes, it's great that NASCAR is growing out West, but why should the people there be subjected to this kind of racing? These flat tracks are just not exciting! They need to take a clue from Homestead and put some banking in there, I tell you. Let's hope that when NASCAR builds that speedway in NYC, they remember this lesson.
Of course, lots of people were likely nodding off Sunday even long before the first flag waved, thanks to Fox's extended pre-race gab-fest. I understand why the Daytona 500, as the season opener, deserved a big build up. But California? We tuned in promptly at 2 only to have to wait an hour and a quarter before the action got underway. I was so anxious for the invocation, I started to lead a prayer myself for my assembled guests!
The one pre-race segment that was worthy showed new DeVine 91/2 team member Carl Edwards being a real wild monkey with Brian Deegan and some moto-cross hotties. They were cute! Carl demonstrated the "kiss of death," in which he jumped a motorcycle off a ramp and left it in mid-air, holding on just by the handlebars. Pretty cool. Carl, of course, is known for back-flipping off his car when he wins -- let's hope we're treated to that move real soon!
The preacher Sunday was Billy Mauldin of Motor Racing Outreach. The National Anthem was served by Joelle James. I know, "who?" The start command Sunday was shouted by Magic Johnson, who is a leader on NASCAR's diversity committee. Magic said they had brought about 200 kids to their first NASCAR race and they were loving it. I have to tell you, I think it would be fabulous if lots more black people got into Cup racing. Can you imagine how much cooler the infield would be if there were lots of pimped out motorhomes and blingy cars? It would be great! America is at its best when the regular people of all colors get together and party down.
Now, Sunday was also Oscar day (though that was easy to forget with the assortment of largely dreadful movies that were nominated. (Anybody remember "Fahrenheit 911," the top-grossing documentary of all time? Obviously, the Academy did not.) California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger made a big point of coming to the NASCAR race and blowing off the Oscars. His job was the one we all dream of -- waving the green flag to start the action! But did you see that wave? Honey, I've seen an arthritic granny shake her tablecloth off the back porch in January with more energy and enthusiasm! It was PITIFUL! Talk about a girly-man!
And earlier, in a Fox interview, Arnold (who we call "McBain" in my house, after the character played by Ranier Wolfcastle on The Simpsons), expressed his admiration for "these courageous drivers" who are so brave to drive around "at 240 miles per hour!" Girl, is he for real? If you tried to run 240 in a speedway, you'd clear the grandstand and come down amongst the promotional trailers!
Well, at 3:15, the race finally got underway with Kyle Busch on the pole, but Brian Vickers led the first lap. The first caution came out when Bill Elliott went into the wall alone -- he had been about to go a lap down. At lap 37, Jr. was in for tire trouble. Casey Mears got some trash on his grille and had to come in under green before he boiled over. At lap 59, Jr.'s tires tore up again, this time bringing out the caution. Carl Edwards had a good time leading laps 46-60. By lap 104, Jamie had climbed to 5th, and it was looking good for the team!
At lap 107 the caution came out for debris partway through a round of green flag pit stops, confounding the schemes of many. After the restart, Matt Kenseth, no doubt bitter about having been cut from the DeVine 91/2, starting bumping the #24 of our boy Jeff Gordon. Stop it, Matt! At lap 142, new DeVine 91/2 member Dave Blaney took it to the wall. With 91 laps to go, "something broke!" on the #9 Dodge, sending our boy Kasey Khane into the wall. Poor Kasey! He's such a nervous pup! In an interview, Kasey said his car felt all different Sunday than it had earlier.
Our team took another hit when Mikey's car tore up while he was running in 6th place. Two DNFs in two races this year! Mikey, I hate it for you! Never mind the ultimatum Mikey got about making the Chase -- you have to wonder if his ride is even safe for the rest of 05? Mind me when I say this, DEI and NAPA: Mikey's millions of fans would be furious if you cut our boy!
With 34 to go, the caution fell again as Jason Leffler blew up. Here's another guy who's season is off to a bad start. Now the real strategizing took on, as guys had to decide whether to take gas, two, four, or stay out for position. Jamie was running 3rd with 23 to go, and his car was said to be the fastest, but he just could not catch a break on this boring track! With six laps to go, the #24 was black flagged for going too slow! OH, THE HUMANITY! How your luck can change in NASCAR! In the end it was Biffle at laps 228-250. Oddly, Biffle had said he planned to take the lead by the 3rd lap, and indeed he did -- then he didn't lead again until the end. How very strange!
NOW ON NEWS-STANDS!
The Entertainment Weekly article I told y'all about last week really did come out, and it quotes ME in the same paragraph with Darryl Waltrip! I do believe I am the first kid on my block to be quoted in a paragraph with a three-time Cup Champion! The author, Mandi Bierly, is a native Pennsylvanian who is a hardcore NASCAR fan! The article is very cute and also quotes Jamie McMurray (though I'd like to smack whoever picked out that picture, in which Jamie's gorgeous mug is entirely hidden by his helmet! What were they thinking?) Still, it's a nice introductory type article with interesting comments on the sport's great popularity. Thanks for calling, Mandi!
"SO I SAYS TO JR., I SAYS..."
Here's a cute story: Mandi had obviously spent a lot of time looking at Gaytona.com before we talked, and she was especially taken with my description of Jr. Well, she actually had an e-mail exchange with him where she asked him about the quote! She did not get to include it in her article -- It went like this --
Mandi: People always say that what separates NASCAR from other sports is how well fans feel they know the stars. How accurate is this statement, from a fan online: "He comes across as both passionate and lazy, a sexy combination that it takes a true Southerner to appreciate."
Jr.: Wow, I haven't heard that one before - passionate and lazy. That's kinda funny. I'd say NASCAR has done a good job giving the fans a chance to get up close and personal to the sport. Just go to any of the garages at any of the tracks. Fans everywhere. It's neat to see so many people interested in what we're doing. I think the passion as a whole by NASCAR fans is unmatched by any other sport.
So check it out, y'all -- Something that came out of my brain went into Jr.'s brain, and he said it was "kinda funny"!!! Dixie and I laughed for half an hour when we found out!
OH, BO! OH, LUKE!
I'm sure y'all have seen the huge revival of interest in "The Dukes of Hazzard." CMT ran a bunch of episodes last weekend, and Speed has been running ads for the DVD collections. (Has anybody else noticed how the DVD commercials slap some phone numbers or such up in front of the Dukes' famously packed crotches? When did everyone get so damned prissy?) Anyway, my friend Eddie is in the movie business, and he just sent me this exciting gossip:
I just came back from Baton Rouge, working on the big-screen remake of "The Dukes Of Hazzard" -- Johnny Knoxville and 'Stifler' from "American Pie" as the Duke boys, Willie Nelson as Uncle Jessie, Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke and Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg ... lotsa stunts and car chases, as you can imagine -- they had 60(!) of 'The General Lee' Dodge Chargers and they've pretty much trashed them all.
Can you imagine? Stifler and all those Chargers? My head is spinning like a top!
That's it for this week, kids. We'll take next weekend off to relax and enjoy the Busch race from Mexico. See you in Vegas! Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!
Love,
Betty Jack DeVine
E ME at Bettyjack@gaytona.com
