Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! How about that Matt Kenseth, y'all? It was great to see him win at Rockingham -- his first victory since Las Vegas last year! Matt really looked like he was having a good time in victory lane, and why not? Shoot, they remade the Cup system especially to stop championships like his -- wouldn't it be hilarious if he came right back for a second Cup! You gotta love it! Of course, there was a major controversy over whether NASCAR erred in the call that set up Matt for victory -- more on that later.

It's been an amazing couple of weeks for our team -- Jr. took the Daytona 500, and then he won the rain-delayed Busch race the the next day. Then the show moved to North Carolina. On Saturday, Jamie really showed out at The Rock. With 20 laps to go, Jamie passed race leader Kevin Harvick after Harvick had trouble getting around the lap-car of Robby Gordon! Wow! Do y'all remember what happened last year at the Brickyard 400? Jamie was so the race leader until a late restart when Robby boxed Jamie in to give the win to Kevin. So Jamie's victory over Kevin -- thanks to Robby -- was sort of ironic -- even though Kevin and Robby are teammates in Cup, not Busch, racing. It was Jamie's fourth consecutive Busch victory at The Rock, tying the record of Mark Martin.

This year, Jamie is driving the #30 Trimspa car in Busch. Have y'all taken this Trimspa? I have not, but they say this is how Anna Nicole lost so much weight. But have y'all seen her recently? I'm afraid it looks, as the old folks used to say, like "her mind is gone." But as the gays seem to be interested in anything related to weight loss and girls who are a big mess, this sponsorship and the Anna Nicole angle could help introduce more gays to Jamie. Also on Jamie -- woof -- the subject, that is, Dixie noticed that while all these "Gillette Young Guns" drivers are having to stay smooth-shaved this year (a look that doesn't work so well on Jr. ), Jamie (who's not in those ads) is free to pursue a sexy scruff. Very nice!

The invocation Sunday was offered by Johnny Ross of the NC Baptist Convention; he said a nice prayer. Bringing the National Anthem was Diamond Rio -- honey, they showed that the tires aren't the only thing that can go flat at the NASCAR race. Mercy!

Speaking of tires, they continue to be a big concern this year. The new softer tires really seem to tear up bad. And two tires got away on pit lane and created a crazy-clown spectacle. Do y'all know these tires cost $402 apiece! Honey! These tires are priced like Clinton was still president, and everybody who wanted a job had plenty of work!

On the front row Sunday were Ryan and Jamie, and Jamie grabbed the lead at lap 3. Go Jamie! After the caution flew on lap 39 for a Ken Schrader wrecky, Jeff Gordon took the lead coming off pit lane. Hey! 42 crew! Let's get Jamie in and out faster, how about it? Then it was Kyle Petty's turn to wreck. At lap 89, Matt took the lead from Jeff; he would not hold it for the entire rest of the day, but he held it where it counts. Poor Ken Schrader's bad day got worse when he got wrecked by Jimmie Johnson on lap 131. Jimmie later blamed Kenny for not signaling his intention to pit. It's always someone else's fault, isn't it, JJ? In the pitstops, Mikey got penalized for leaving his box with equipment; he still had the track-bar adjusting wrench stuck on the car. This also happened to Kasey Kahne and to Larry Foyt. Darryl Waltrip blamed it on the fact that they catch-can man has so many responsibilities these days.

Along about this time, we listened in on a funny call from Jr. to his pits -- he said the #8 car had been getting burned by pitting too often, and he was going to stay out, and for the guys not to listen to him: "I'm gonna cry and complain, but don't let me come in." (That "don't listen to me when I'm begging you to stop" bit reminds me of a me a great college sex story my buddy Niles told me once, but it's not suitable for y'all tender gay NASCAR fans!)

The big wreck of the day came at lap 263 for a smash-up involving Brendan Gaughan, Carl Long, Joe Nemechek, Mark Martin and Bobby Labonte. Carl Long's car took off to rolling -- it was really scary. Glad to see all the guys climb out OK.

Jamie, whom DW had praised as "smooth as silk" -- woof -- led laps 304-331 and 350-358. But then the 2nd and 3rd place cars of Kenseth and Khane pitted under green and the caution came out, NASCAR officials put them back on the lead lap instead of being a lap down. After the race, Jamie's team owners Chip Ganassi and Felix Sabates were furious over the ruling, which they insisted had cost Jamie the victory. "We just got robbed in front of a 100,000 people," Ganassi said. As the race continued, Jamie tried furiously to pass but lost some speed when he got too excited and ran his left tires down on the apron. Matt just held off the charging Kasey K in the fifth-closest finish in the history of electronic NASCAR scoring. Also after the race, Mark Martin was called down to the trailer where he was cited for getting in the way of the leaders. Poor Mark -- his defense sounded so pitiful: "I'm disappointed because the people in the sport know I have a lot of integrity," he said. "I watched it on the tape and I didn't see anything. I was racing and wasn't in anybody's way." Don't give up buddy! I just know you are going to roar back and prove wrong those people who said I should cut you from the team.

Poor Rockingham, which already lost one of its races because of low attendance, may lose the other soon, according to the rumor mill. I blame Bush, as the economy in North and South Crazyland is so bad that people are suffering as they never thought they would. This man Bush is destroying America! Go Democrats!

That's it for this week, friends. We're off next week for the Leap Year break. I'll be looking for all of y'all high-rollers as we prance into Las Vegas!

Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!