"THIS IS BETTY JACK DEVINE, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE:"
Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! A big "go girl!" to Elliott Sadler for a super-fine win on Sunday at Texas Motor Speedway! Elliott just barely outran the hard-charging Kasey Kahne, and the final laps were really something to see. On our porch, there were fans of the #38 and of the #9, so you can imagine how we shouted! I can't wait until Kasey gets his first Cup win, but I was sho-nuff pulling for big ole Elliott's funny country self. It was only Elliott's 2nd Cup victory: He'd previously won the spring race at Bristol in 2001.
It was a great week for our team in the points: With Elliott and Kasey both gaining four spots, we now have NINE of the top 10! (Note to Jimmie Johnson: get out of our way, missy!) We had seven cars in the top 10 on Sunday.
The preacher on Sunday was Dr. Robert March of Texas Alliance Raceway Ministry; he prayed a nice prayer. Jamie looked especially cute during the opening ceremonies: He is helping autistic kids, and he had the cutest little girl standing beside him during the prayer and the the National Anthem. Performed today were Kellie Coffey and the Airborne glee club. The poor soldiers in the glee club did the most mournful harmonizing in the background while Kellie sang. (Later, when we found out how many American and other lives Bush lost in Iraq on Sunday, their moaning seemed dreadfully prescient. Everyone, please do all you can to help run Bush out of office. This man Bush is a liar and a disaster!)
Starting the race was The Rock, who's in that remake of "Walking Tall." I never saw the original "Walking Talls" but I look forward to seeing this one. I hear it is very descriptive of the present economy -- the factory workers in the town are all out of a job and have to go to work in the redneck casino, and everyone's on meth! They moved the story out of the South and into the Northwest so they could make the movie in cheaper Canada -- that says a lot, too.
Bobby Labonte started on the pole but Bill Elliott took the first 19 laps. The announcers were all about how sad it is that Bill doesn't have a sponsor for his part-season run this year. Gee, I hate it for you Bill -- why don't you ask your Master Bush about it? I've seen you taking up for him -- why don't you ask him where all our money went, and how come gas is over $2 a gallon now in many places?
The first caution came out when Jeff Gordon ran up under Casey Mears' butt and tore off a piece of bumper cover. Caution Debris, y'all! Soon it was Dodge City as Bill Elliott in the #91, Sterling Marlin in the #40 and Kasey in the #9 battled for the front. (Demonstrating that he's a totally righteous dude, Kasey, in an earlier interview, said he regretted his post-wreck tirade against Jamie at Bristol. Kasey Kahne = Class Act!)
Kasey proved that running well is the best revenge: He took a commanding lead in laps 49-81. Looking at the 24 lead changes among 12 drivers, it's clear that the day belonged, all along, to either Kahne or Sadler. NASCAR should certainly be glad these two served up such exciting last-laps racing -- because otherwise honey, there was not a lot of what you would call "action" at the speedway on Sunday! We're talking long, LONG green-flag runs!
At lap 196, Ryan spun into the wall while running 10th. At lap 209, Jamie was suddenly off the pace! But he apparently switched to a backup battery or something, and his car was just fine, finishing 10th. Jamie is cute and smart, and knows just what to do!
Bill Elliott's car tore up with 61 to go. There was a restart with 29 to go: the #9 passed the #8 for 2nd. With 11 to go, it was obvious that Kasey could catch the M&Ms car -- but would he? The #38 masterfully blocked every attempt by the #9 to run up high and pick up speed in the clean air. Running up on the lap-car of Johnny Sauter slowed Elliott enough to let Kasey slide up even with his door -- some of us even thought for a second that Kasey hit the stripe first -- but in fact, Elliott Sadler held on. Way to race, dude! You should definitely get a bonus from Texas Motor Speedway for an ending that made the whole race worthwhile!
FINE BY ME!
If we kept to Robert's Rules of Order and had a secretary to help us recall "old business," she would have made the following announcements early in the column:
Jamie got fined $10,000 and put on probation until the end of August for spinning Matt Kenseth out last week after the checkers at Bristol. Yikes! That sucks, considering that Jamie already lost a ton of money when Matt knocked him from 4th spot back to 8th in the incident that got Jamie mad. (On Sunday, Jamie started 26th and finished 10th -- very respectable, but not terribly racy. Darrell Waltrip said he knows Jamie personally and Jamie's a "very sensitive kid," and he thinks the fine and probation had Jamie shook up. Don't worry Jamie, you'll be back out front soon!)
Jr. got fined $10,000 and 25 Championship points and put on probation for intentionally spinning at Bristol to bring out the caution. I think this is an example of having things too good and bragging about it -- after the spin (which looked quite "real" on TV) Jr. was heard on the radio talking about spinning on purpose! Baby E, puh-leeze! You don't count your money while you're sitting at the table, as Kenny Rogers taught us! Jeff Hammond pointed out that even with the penalty, Jr. was better off for his spin than if he'd have gone in under green to get his loose wheel fixed and gone several laps down in the process. Especially furious about Jr.'s escapade was Rusty Wallace, who felt the extra late caution cost him the race, and who thought Jr.'s penalty was a joke. "I guarantee, if I would have done that, I would have gotten fined $100,000 and 100 points, so in my eyes, and he knows it too, he just got a token penalty," Rusty said. And that, dear friends, leads right into my next item --
THE GLOBE GOES INSIDE 'BITTER NASCAR FEUD'
What is up with The Globe supermarket tab and Dale Jr.? In the March 15 issue, it asked whether Baby E's Daytona 500 win was "fixed?" Then, in the April 12 issue, there's this big two-page story about how Jr. has set off this "bitter NASCAR feud." Jr. is accused of only being where he is because of his dad, and of getting "special treatment." Other than the unnamed "insiders," the main griper is Jimmy Spencer! Mary, don't get me started on HER! Anyway, these "insiders" are all squawking about how NASCAR wants Jr. to win, etc. Well, I have a question, too -- why is The Globe so obsessed with this topic? Really, I didn't expect much from the article after it said Dale Jr. won at Daytona "just weeks after his father's tragic accident." Is it so hard to grab a schedule and note the length of time between February and July?
But we were interested in reading how "Dale Jr. parties like a rock star in a hideaway near Concord, N.C., he and his pals hang out with sexy models, guzzling Budweiser while he bangs on the drums during all-night raves." "You hear other drivers who are on the outside looking in tell one of Earnhardt's friends, 'So, you're going to party with His Majesty tonight?' and stuff like that," says "a source." Sounds hot to me, honey! But with press like this, you can be sure NASCAR will be keeping a watchful eye on the #8. I wouldn't try any funny business, Jr. -- not for a week or two, anyway!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
One of the FOX guys: "If there ever was a young dog who will stick his nose through any crack in the fence, it's Brendan Gaughan. If there's a hole, he'll go for it."
Friends, as we pause from our racing fun this week to celebrate Easter, Passover, or the Muslim holiday, I hope you will offer a few words of prayer for all the soldiers, under many flags, who have been put in misery and danger by Bush. Howard Dean was right: We have to take our country back! Please join me in praying for peace this holy season.
I'll see y'all in a couple at Martinsville! Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!
Love,
Betty Jack DeVine
E ME at Bettyjack@bellsouth.net
