"THIS IS BETTY JACK DEVINE, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE:"
Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Congratulations to the DeVine 91/2's own Dale Jr., who dragged home his 5th Talladega win Sunday! Chasing close behind Jr. was Kevin, one of the four guys we had in the top 10 this week. The the Chase for the Championship, Jr. climbed two spots to re-take the lead, but then, oh shit . . .; Matt was also up two; Tony was up three; Mark and Ryan were up one; Elliott was down two; Jeff was down two; Kurt held steady at 2nd place. In the race for 11th, Jamie (11th), Kevin (12th), Kasey (14th), and Mikey (16th) all held their previous places.
(Folks, by now you know that the standings changed dramatically on Tuesday when Jr. was fined money and points for cussing -- more on that in a sec.)
The TV broadcast missed the name of this week's preacher, but his prayer seemed to get a little political to me. Next up, we had without a doubt the best National Anthem of the year so far: The B Boys from the Helen Keller School. This trio of special needs students, comprising a white teen boy, a black teen boy, and a tiny white boy, belted out the most harmonically complex anthem ever -- they were terrific! Giving the command were Paul Tuttle Jr. and Sr. of Orange County Choppers, who took a parade lap on their mighty hawgs. It was a gorgeous 80 degrees in Talladega when the green flag waved; my porch was filled with the beautiful golden light of October; and everyone was ready to go racing!
Now there were 47 lead changes during the day, meaning it would be easier to tell you who didn't lead. But here's a quick run-down on the day's action.
Nemechek was on the pole and lead the first lap. The first caution came out when Mike Wallace blew a left rear and dropped down the track, then shot back up the track. Under the yellow, there was a wild moment in the pits as Kevin locked up his tires and overshot his box. One of his guys had to jump straight up into the air to keep from getting hit, then came down just feet from the #2 as it raced toward its box. Scary! But the dude just jumped right up and did his work -- I tell you, these guys are tough.
You know what else is tough? Getting hung out to dry -- that's what happened to Jr. long about lap 43. His car started slowing some, and believe me nobody wants to roll with that at TallyD. The draft -- the one on the track, not the one that Bush/Cheney will announce immediately if they are re-elected -- is so important here that the cars were running about six miles an hour faster during the race (196) than in qualifying (190).
And speaking of tough -- how about running in the middle of a pack of racecars when your windshield is completely covered over in fluid? That's what happened to Robbie Gordon, and NASCAR brought out the yellow to check and see who was leaking. Elliott reported alternator trouble and was given a new battery, but under green he was losing power again and had to cut his accessories, including his Kool Box.
A long green run, with pit stops, followed. At lap 122, Carl Edwards lost his engine and brought out a wild caution that saw Jamie spin into the grass on pit road and Jimmie Johnson, exiting his stall, bang into Kasey. When he finally got to his pit, Jamie had to get his windshield washed the old-fashion way because his crew had previously removed all his tear-offs at once. Whoops!
On the restart, Biffle was black-flagged for passing on the left before the stripe. Kasey had to go get his fender beat out because of the tire-rub caused by the tangle with the #48 car. After Mikey bammed into Jr., NASCAR told the #15 to take a chill pill.
With 45 to go, there was a big crash that left Jeremy, Jimmy Spencer, Jeff Green and Hamilton Jr. with major damage. Back under green, Jimmie Johnson overheated and was done for the day. Kevin took the lead at lap 173; Jr. took it back at 186. As the cars charged toward the finish, we stayed green in spite of a wreck involving Biffle and Kasey.
After Jr. won, we saw the wildest ride of the day as Elliott went into the grass, then tumbled, riding on his roof before getting right again. In the post-race interviews, Elliott -- whose soft n curly locks have him looking like a frisky William Higgins porn star -- was cucumber-cool, telling the announcers he was glad he'd given them an exciting new wreck for their highlights reel! And speaking of post-race interviews...
FOUR LETTERS = 25 POINTS
How does it feel to win five times at Talladega? "It don't mean shit right now. Daddy's won here 10 times," Jr. said. Making good on its earlier threat, NASCAR swooped down with a cussing fine on Jr. - $10,000 and 25 points - knocking him down to 2nd.
Now y'all, this is serious. A 25-point fine is what kept Jamie out of the Chase. A 25-point fine cost Mark Martin an earlier championship. But you know what? Too damn bad. On "60 Minutes" last week, Jr. admitted to being a Republican and a Bush supporter (although he never actually spoke those words -- just clenched his teeth and nodded grimly when asked). Do you know what's behind this cussing phobia? The record fines that Bush's FCC has been handing out -- beginning with the half-a-million-dollar hit against CBS after Janet Jackson flashed some hot titty action. If this fine ends up robbing Jr. of the Championship, I hope he remembers to thank Bush. I bet now Jr. wishes he'd done a burn-out on the White House lawn when the top 10 (sans Jeff) went there last year.
BREAKING NEWS: JUNIOR UP 30!
Happy Birthday to Jr. who celebrates his 30th birthday this Sunday October 10. And don't listen to the bullshit, dude. 30 is not a downer - it's time to crank it up harder. By the end of the Kansas 500, bet you'll be back on top.
JAMIE UPDATE!
Monday night on Speed, it was great to see Jamie looking ever-so-gorgeous. Jamie revealed that he will definitely be back in the Havoline Dodge next year, in spite of all those FedEx rumors. And Kenny Wallace made Jamie show off his new shoes -- a fabulous pair of black Gucci loafers with silver buckles! Now how cool is that?
A FOND AND SAD FAREWELL
I'm late filing my report this week due to a tragedy in my family of friends. Atlanta's Todd Butler, a wonderful artist, musician, father and friend, died Sunday as a result of a rare condition, Behcet's disease. Todd was a huge talent -- He performed in the early RuPaul band Wee Wee Pole and later with the ground-breaking Smoke and Opal Foxx Quartet, as well as with Deacon Lunchbox and Tiny Tim -- and a kind and charming gentleman. Our prayers are with his family and all who loved him, especially his daughter Kitty and his wife Clare (formerly Parker) a founding member of the Now Explosion. See you in Heaven, sweet Todd.
That's it for this week friends. See y'all at Kansas Sunday. Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!
Love,
Betty Jack DeVine
E ME at Bettyjack@bellsouth.net
