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"THIS IS BETTY JACK DEVINE, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE:"

Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Congratulations to Jeremy Mayfield, whose win at Richmond put him into the Chase for the Championship. Our team had four guys in the top 10 Saturday night, but the big news is that the regular part of the season is history. Now, only the Chase for the Championship matters, and we've got eight guys in it. That's a mighty fine showing, but it's sad that Jamie and Kasey, who were so very close, did not make the show, along with Kevin, and Mikey, who was already eliminated.

What will happen next? It's anybody's guess. Will the sponsors of the other 33 cars keep pouring money into them? Will the fans continue to come out and see the races when three out of four cars have already been eliminated? I suppose so, but I don't know. I'm particularly upset about Jamie and Kasey being out of the picture. Since the 400-point rule was obviously invented to give more than just 10 cars a chance in the late season, it's pretty clear that NASCAR miscalculated -- setting it at 500 points would have been better.

Saturday was, of course, the third anniversary of the Sept. 11th attacks. Like Americans everywhere, we paused to pray for the victims of that awful day and for their families. But it was revolting to see the horrible murderer Donald Rumsfeld leading the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance before the race. This wicked, wicked man, who is well-known for disrespecting and disparaging the men and women of our armed forces -- and who never saw battle himself -- is the perfect symbol for this lazy, rotten administration's failed policies of destruction and death. The Rev. Todd Combee, a Baptist, offered a nice prayer, and Kylie Dean sang the National Anthem, which wrapped up with four F-16s. A General Motors vice president gave the start command.

Pole-sitter Ryan Newman led the first lap, then it was Jimmie Johnson's turn. At lap 8, the caution was out for a crash by Todd Bodine. Kyle Petty spun and brought out the next caution in lap 14. At lap 32, Derrick Cope was off to the garage. Kasey Kane, whose car was set up for longer runs, lost some positions due to his air pressure. Caution was out again at lap 52 for Carl Edwards' spin, and Jamie got the Lucky Dog Pass. There was a Caution Debris for David Green's flat, then another caution as Ricky Rudd and Scott Wimmer crashed. Jamie sailed through this wreck unharmed.

At lap 179, there was a major crash that started with Jimmy Spencer getting into Casey Mears. The wreck also involved Mike Wallace, Marlin, Rudd, Jarrett, Johnson, Jr. and Brian Wreckers. Mark Martin spun but did not get hurt. In an interview after his car went behind the wall, Jimmie was livid: He said Jarrett had been trying to wreck Mears for several laps, and Spencer finally got it done. NBC had expected NASCAR to order Spencer off the track, but in an interview, Mike Helton explained why they did not. The NASCAR honcho said that upon viewing the tapes, it looked like the wreck was more Mears' fault. (That's funny, because when I checked NASCAR's "lap by lap" summary on Monday, it said "Jimmy Spencer gets into Casey Mears..." I think Dixie's interpretation was right: "They're leaving Spencer out there to wreck out some more cars!"

Caution fell again when Ward Burton crashed and went to the garage. We heard an amusing radio transmission in which Mark Martin pleaded, "Talk to the 10 -- he's so wild, he's scaring me!" Lawsy, don't be scaring Mark! At lap 207, Kasey wrecked, thanks to a push from Jr. (Memo to Jr.: Dude, you are supposed to wreck cars that AREN'T on the DeVine 91/2!") Later, Jr. said it had been an accident: "I ain't got nothing against that boy. He's come over to the bus several times this weekend." The #48 came back on the track with his whole engine showing and the front end of the car gone -- that was kind of gruesome.

During green-flag pitstops, Matt got penalized for leaving his stall with one of those big wrenchy things sticking up on the back of his car. Here there were various lead changes, culminating in a spin by... Jimmy Spencer! Derrick Cope only hopes one day to have the stamina to stay on the track as long as Spencer and cause as much havoc. At lap 349, Kurt took the lead from Jeremy, but at lap 393 Kurt was out of juice, giving Jeremy the lead and the win.

BRINGING BACK THE CONNIPTION FIT

During the season, some of y'all fans have written to ask why Mark Martin was on the team. I'm guessing because he's a little older and wrinkly, some folks thought he didn't belong among these spunky young colts. Well, I'm feeling way vindicated in my choice by the fact that Mark made the Chase. Even so, Mark was the very picture of a flustered old lady on Saturday night. First we had his pleading with Scott Riggs to be careful. Then, in the post-race interviews, Mark panted, "That was the hardest thing I've ever done!" He called the race "grueling" and "murder on me." Then, Kurt Bush remarked, "I congratulated Mark Martin for getting in -- I know how nervous he's been!" Gosh, it sounds like Mark was doing his impression of Aunt Pittypat, running all around the garage looking for his smelling salts, his nerve pills and his fainting couch! Even so, we're glad to see DB's own MM running for the big cup.

That's it for this week, friends. I'm mad at NASCAR for cutting Jamie and Kasey out of the hunt, but I'll be back next week at Loudon just the same. Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!