"THIS IS BETTY JACK DEVINE, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE:"
Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Congratulations to Baby E, who took his third win of the year on Saturday night at Richmond! Way to race, June Bug! Now Jr. is 40 points out front of 2nd place Jimmie Johnson, and people are wondering if a we could see a new Earnhardt championship. Jr.'s big move was staying out during the final caution and still having the juice to drive away from everyone in the last laps.
Looking at the big picture for our DeVine 91/2 fantasy team, we have eight guys in the top 10 -- including, uncharacteristically, Mikey, way to race em, Mikey! We've now got eight guys in the top 10 in points. And if the season were to end now, ALL our guys except Mikey would be in the Chase for the Championship! (Get back in there, Mikey!)
Richmond marked its 25th consecutive sold-out Cup race Saturday, with 110,000 on hand. Three generals and an admiral -- no, they didn't walk into a bar, and I'm not starting a joke -- they led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag. The Rev. Billy Davis of Raceway Ministries offered the invocation, which was the Racer's Prayer. I went on the Internet and found it for you: "Lord I pray as I race today, Keep me safe along the way. Not only me, but others too, As they perform the jobs they do. I know God that in a race, I the driver, must set the pace. But in this race of life I pray, Help me Lord along the way. Although I know I am a sinner, Help me to believe that with God, You're always a winner. Amen." The National Anthem was performed by Mila, who really milked it to get the song to end right with the planes' arrival. Giving the start command was US Secretary of Transportation Norman Minetta. He is supposed to be a Democrat; but, if so, I don't see how he could work for this man Bush.
Brian Vickers was on the pole and turned that into a nice 32-lap run up front. The action started early when Robbie Gordon cut down a tire on the first lap and the caution flew for debris. I know they're running "less grippier tires," as Jeff Hammond says, but how do you cut down a tire in the 1st lap? On lap 23, we marveled as the #8 sliced by the #12 for 2nd place. What's up with Ryan this year? After last year's spectacular season, he's yet to win!
Long about lap 101, Kasey Kahne bumped and spun the #43 of Jeff Green, who shouted over his radio, "that was bullshit!" The FOX announcers had to immediately apologize for the cussing, because they are so afraid of the government and its terrible, terrible hand. A tire ran away from Brian Vickers crew on pit lane during stops. Isn't it funny to see a dumb old rubber tire out there, just rolling along like it had all the time in the world, as all these million-dollar racecars freak out trying not to hit it? That always makes me smile, I tell you. At lap 109, Kurt Busch had some belt problems that made the car shoot out steam. He came in to fix all the belts. Have y'all ever had belt trouble when you were on the road? Man, that's some more trouble, let me tell you!
We got to see some country-ass, door-to-door racing in laps 130-134 as Jr. and JJ slapped it out, with Jr. finally establishing dominance. Dixie was just a-squealing for Jr. to wreck out JJ! At lap 138, the 4th caution came out, for Robbie Gordon's tire again! The 5th yellow waved in lap 152 for Brendan Gaughn, who hit the wall. Clever pitting saw the excellent Jamie McMurray slide up to 2nd by lap 179, but he never got the lead, and in fact was wrecked by the Army car at lap 203! Poor Jamie! It was a pretty bad wreck but the #42 hit ass-first, so that helped.
It was great to see that #15 NAPA Chevrolet leading for five laps beginning at lap 195. We all love Mikey! He's got the best voice in NASCAR, and is the main reason to watch "Inside Cup" on Mondays on Speed. Green-flag stops got underway about lap 205. Matt Kenseth was trying to stay out and lead a lap but he ran out of gas! Hate if for ya, dude! The final caution flew for Scott Riggs' smoker on lap 342. There was some mention that Jr. "didn't hear" the team's final call to come in and pit -- the result was another trophy for Baby E!
'I'M CRAZY, AND I PLAY A CRAZY PERSON ON TV!'
The off-track (way off-track) story of the year continues to be Tony Stewart. After being way wrecky in recent weeks, "Smoke" called insane attention to himself in the pre-race interviews by saying really, really snippy things about the FOX broadcasters and especially Darryl Waltrip! He said he thought all the FOX announcers were picking on him, and he said that if it had not been for provisionals, that DW would not have even been able to race his last two years! Now I'm reading DW's book, and he makes it pretty clear he's embarrassed that he tried to stretch his career too long, so I know this is a sore point with him. "We're not picking on you," DW insisted -- but he said there was no denying that this #20 car was around wherever trouble happened! And you CAN'T deny it!
With 46 to go, Tony was on new tires and almost ran over Jeffy. Afterwards, Tony apologized but Jeff was angry: "We're seeing it every weekend, and you'd think a guy getting abuse by the media and the drivers would start thinking a little bit more," Gordon said. "He had a much faster car, fresher tires, got inside of me, and the position was his and he just drove straight into me and put me in the wall - about put himself in the wall."
Tony said, "We got a little loose and I got into Jeff, and I'm sure Darrell and those guys up there [in the booth] are lobbying for me to get suspended for life from NASCAR. But that's the only incident we had all night." Then Tony dragged Mikey into it! "Well, you've got to keep in mind his brother up in the booth and he's been carrying a hatchet on me the last couple of weeks so we don't dare touch his little brother out there for fear he's going to crush me with the media," Tony bemoaned.
To give Tony a little credit: He did mention that he'd been suffering with migraines, so maybe he felt bad. Also, his helicopter pilot has been called off to Iraq in the reserves, which is horrifying. But hey Tony, since I've heard you say you're a Republican, you voted for this mess we're in, so why not just suck it up?
And finally, one more reason to be mad at the #20 car: Home Depot CEO Robert Nardelli just hosted a fancy dinner at his Atlanta mega-mansion for Bush, raising $3.2 million to help the Republicans steal the White House again! That snipping sound you just heard was me cutting up my Home Depot credit card. Bush has declared war on the gays, and we are paying the price for it every day!
What, oh what, will Tony Stewart do next? And who will he blame for it when he does? Stay turned, gay NASCAR fans! If it's a Tony Stewart story, we'll be on top of it here at Gaytona.com!
Thanks for stopping by the trailer, y'all! We'll see you for the Winston, or the Nextel, or whatever they're calling it this week! Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!
Love,
Betty Jack DeVine
E ME at Bettyjack@bellsouth.net
