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"THIS IS BETTY JACK DEVINE, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE:"

Friends, this week before we do anything else, we must pause and offer our condolence to everyone touched by the tragic crash of the airplane carrying the Hendricks and their party. Lord, have mercy -- what an awful thing. As I mentioned to my NASCAR pal Amanda on the phone just this evening, it stands to remind you not to envy the rich -- they can seem to have everything and then something like this hits. Let's all keep these families and all their loved ones in our prayers, NASCAR friends.

Welcome, all y'all gay NASCAR fans, to the ATL and the fastest track on the circuit! Woo-hoo! Well, maybe you have been saying to yourself, "Where's that Betty Jack been at, anyway?" Honey, I've been on me a nice vacation, all down to Fernandina Beach, to the glorious oceanview home of Janet and Suepie, and to Daytona Beach, "The World's Most Famous Beach," where Dixie and I hit Biketoberfest! Talk about a show -- you never saw so many tricked-out bikes! And the people looked as fun as everything -- lots of older players, and swinging fat chicks galore! Everybody was rocking out, and there was even a free concert at the historic beachfront bandshell by Foghat! Can you imagine! It was deluxe, I'm telling you! Florida is awesome -- we really had a great week.

It was also fun to be in a "battleground" state, instead of Georgia where both parties are assured the state is lazy and uncritical enough to vote for Bush. The political commercials in Florida were WILD -- twice during the Charlotte race, they ran a commercial publicizing the Web site www.bushandsaudis.com and slinging the grease on that revolting connection.

On the road, south Georgia was rotten with Bush stickers; north Florida had some Kerry/Edwards stickers; and south Florida was strong for our boys (according to observations by Janet and Suepie). I met a hot dude at the surf shop in Fernandina who totally got it as far as guys and gals his age and the coming military draft. EVERYBODY, do what you can to vote out this man Bush. This guy is a DISASTER for America -- people like him wrap themselves in the flag but they HATE our country and EVERYONE in it except the other richies and religious fanatics!

Since two races have past since last I wrote -- and Jimmie Johnson won BOTH of them -- I'm going to cheap out with some really superficial commentary based on my shockingly shallow notes. Really, I don't know how I can hold my head up after this.

At the present, Jamie is still looks good to hold onto 11th place. Kurt is still the leader; Mark, Tony, Ryan, Kasey and Mikey also held their positions. Jeff gained one; Jr. lost one, as did Matt; and Elliott fell back three.

At Charlotte: Ryan was on the pole. At lap 23, there was one of those crashes that's so horrible you're afraid to watch it in the replays, but Brian Wreckers was OK, thank goodness. There was a 12-minute red flag period as the track workers fixed the safety wall. After the restart, Kasey climbed on top, oh yeah! Mark Martin had his usual Aunt Pittypat type of fit, telling his guys to "talk to Jeff Green -- doesn't he know we're in the Chase for the Championship?"

Later, Kevin lost oil, and Matt, Jeremy and Carl Edwards found it. After a while, Mark took the lead. Then Jimmy Spencer wrecked out Mark and Brendan Gaughan. Like a big sissy, Mikey wrecked himself out. Jimmie Johnson won. In the post-race interview, Mark was the very picture of a ruint, dejected man: "I can't help it," Mark said. "I can't help it."

And at Martinsville: The night's most thrilling moments came when Josh Turner sang the National Anthem. You know Josh from his haunting hit "Long Black Train." I got tears in my eyes -- this was the best anthem of the year. Jared, Subway's former lard-ass turned wealthy pitchman, gave the start command.

Ryan was on the pole and led the first lap. Everyone was watching Jamie -- after winning the truck race on Saturday, he became only the 8th NASCAR driver to win a race in truck, Busch and Cup! Go Jamie! Jr. had some radio troubles, where he could not get on the right channel with his spotter or something.

Dixie thought Jr. was all amped up, like Justin, the bag-boy we met at Publix in Fernandina, who said he was still all jangly after drinking his morning SoBe energy drink -- And it was 5 pm! During the race, Jr. experienced many amusing situations, including being turned around backwards and wrecking Dale Jarrett and Kyle Petty! Jimmie won -- man, I'm getting tired of that!

Well that's it for this week friends. Down in Atlanta, check us out in Turn 2 --- we'll be rocking in the big gay trailer! Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!