Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! I apologize that this week's update is late, and that it's gonna be short and sweet, because I'm on vacation, y'all! Dixie and I watched the action from Lost Wages while relaxing at the swellegant beachside villa of our gal pals Janet and Suepie. Thanks y'all! As always, Florida rocks!

Congrats to Matt Kenseth, who made it two in a row Sunday in the desert, and three in a row for our DeVine 91/2 fantasy team! Matt knows the best revenge is... do it again! It's really great to see this dude on a winning streak after taking so much flak last year for winning the Cup after bagging just one trophy.

But what a week for Baby E! Jr. rolled into Vegas enjoying the second week of his first-ever Cup points lead, then saw that lead vanish like all the hopes a gambler had pinned on a bad "5th street" (the last card in Texas Hold-Em, y'all). Jr. finished 35th and dropped to seventh in the points after a day in which he had his car in the shop over and over and over again! It was almost like he and his crew were fighting over it or something: he kept saying it was undrivable; they kept working on it and sending him right back out. It was like driver vs. crew. Driver # 8 is a huge favorite at my home track in the ATL -- he and his boys will have a lot to prove this weekend.

FOX got the show off to a very gay start Sunday when they played Mott the Hoople's fag-anthem "All the Young Dudes" during a piece about this year's crop of rookies. Speaking of which, I am still toying with the idea of bending my own rules ever further and adding Kasey Kahne. He's a hottie and is on such a roll! What do y'all think?

Even though the race was held under a perfect blue sky, I had this feeling for a minute that I was passed out under a roulette table at 4 a.m. when I realized that Robert Goulet actually was singing the National Anthem. That, combined with driver introductions by Robin Leach, gave the whole thing more and more of a "how crazy am I, really?" feel.

It was Kasey on the pole after his qualifying lap broke the track record. Zoom, son! Here are some of the highlights of the day -- and please, remember, I'm on vacation, so don't hold me to my usual Skyy-high standards! Kurt Busch led the first lap, but soon Kasey Kahne laid out a big lead. Jimmie Johnson led some, but on one pit stop, he tore up his front end getting out. At lap 55, Tony Stewart took the lead from Kasey. As Jr.'s day fell apart, the announcers wondered if the off-week, the afterglow of Daytona and Jr.'s many engagements had gotten the #8 team off their game. One of his activities had been to attend the Las Vegas premiere of the new IMAX NASCAR movie. Man, I can't wait to see that movie! Jamie McMurray got into the wall some, damaging his Texaco car and resulting in a toe out situation. (Note to y'all from the South: a toe out situation is not the same as a toe up situation.)

On lap 85, Jr. came in for his second green flag stop for car adjustments: He said the car was really plowing. At lap 87, Ryan Newman spun bad but masterfully kept it off the wall. Go Ryan. At lap 94, Matt took over from Tony. At lap 107, Jr. took his pitiful car behind the wall and sat inside it while the team worked on it. He was back out at lap 124 but was 22 laps down. At lap 137, Jr. made his third trip to the garage. There was big trouble on lap 166, when NASCAR legend Bill Elliott, running an abbreviated schedule in the 91 car this year, barely got into Mikey but it was enough to get the #15 bad loose -- he swung around ass-first into the wall for a hard hit that ended his day. There was a debris caution with 67 to go. Then the #8 went behind the wall again ("Man, have you got a dame -- or a dude -- stashed back there or something?"). After the restart, there was some great racing between Jamie and Jeff Gordon. Then Jr. went behind the wall again! Mercy! As the race ran down, Tony Stewart tried some very tough moves on Kasey. Kevin was running in 3rd place when he ran out of that good Sonoco racing fuel. Good try, Kevin!

NASCAR SHOCKER!

Now, as a headline, "NASCAR SHOCKER" is definitely a way to sell me a supermarket tabloid -- it's right up there with "Bat Boy" and "Gay Couple Wants to Adopt Shaved Ape Baby." So naturally, since I am on vacation, I just had to pick up the copy of the Globe that asked "Was Dale Jr.'s Daytona 500 Win Fixed?" Despite this very exciting headline, the only evidence of "cheating" offered was that Tony Stewart led the race for a long time, then Jr. passed him, and the Earnhardts are particular favorites of race fans and Daytona fans in particular. Huh? So that means the race was fixed? If Tony had taken a dive to ensure Jr.'s victory, do you think Tony would have so openly rushed up to hug Jr. in Victory Lane? I don't think so. Interestingly, the Globe ran a photo of Tony embracing Jr. with his head on Jr.'s shoulder, looking all moony, and Jr. looked kind of snarly and disgusted. They identified the photo as being from before the race, but I'm pretty sure it was after. There's just something about Jr. and these plate tracks -- everyone thinks he's cheating to win. Well grow up, babies, I say! Jr.'s just a great driver, and that's that.

OK, kids, like I said, I'm on vacation. Time to get back to drinking and lounging about. Listen, I'm hoping to be at the Atlanta Motor Speedway on Sunday with Amy and AJ -- if you see me holler out hey!

Thanks for stopping by the trailer y'all. Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!