Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Congratulations to Jimmie Johnson, who held off the hard-charging Bobby Labonte to win Sunday down in Darlington. It was not a great day for our DeVine 9 1/2 fantasy team: While we did have six guys in the top 10, we also had four guys who finished worse than 20th. But looking at the big picture, we're still in great shape: We've got seven guys in the top 10, including the entire top five! Go team! This week brought about some big changes in the points line-up: Jeff dropped 8 spots; also heading South were Tony (-1), Kasey (-1), Elliott (-2), Jamie (-3) and Mikey (-1). On the upswing were Jr. (+1), Kurt Busch (+2), Ryan (+2), Kevin (+1) and Mark (+5! Go Mark!).

The preacher on Sunday prayed for President Bush to have "clarity of mind" -- he should have added "and stop being totally evil." New Song brought the National Anthem in a kicky, glee-club style.

Our team took a big hit early when Mikey cut down a rear tire and sustained pretty big damage on lap 9. He came back out later but finished 35th and is now dead last on our team in points. Mikey seemed so sad as he sat in the car while they worked on it. Mikey has really had some sucky lucky this year -- Dixie said she wonders if Mikey might be having some kind of nervous breakdown on account of backing Bush.

It was more bad news for our team on lap 28: Tony Stewart ran into the back of lap-car Andy Hillenburg, who then spun around and was T-boned by Jeff Gordon. While the announcers wondered if Tony should have been "more patient" with the slower car, Andy graciously took all the blame on himself, saying he had drifted up in front of Tony, and he hoped his team would soon build him a better car. Gordon said, "I know it's not Andy Hillenburg's fault, but there are a lot of guys out there who shouldn't be -- they're just so far off the pace." Of course, we know that it's the tough economy that's causing NASCAR to have to scramble to field 43 teams each week. If everybody is not able to run top-notch equipment, it could surely cause a problem for the faster, well-funded cars.

After the restart, Jr. got a warning from NASCAR when he rubbed up on the back of Kasey Kahne's #9 Dodge. Damn, Jr., we all want us some of that, but you gotta be cool about it! Kasey looked great, winning the pole and leading three segments. The caution flew for a big flapping trash bag on lap 53, and Jr. took the lead on lap 67. Kurt Busch led laps 77-104, then Ryan Newman blew past him with Kasey in tow!

Foxy superboy Jamie McMurray, who had worked his way up to 4th, then boldly began green-flag pit-stops. Our boy was then, though two laps down, most mighty fast, and he took the lead for a most impressive run on laps 126-165. At lap 145, Jamie had just cleared the suddenly smoking Kasey Kahne when the #9 blew a rear tire and spun. Like a total champ, Kasey saved his racecar and headed to pit lane. Wow! Kasey seems so brave but we know it's scary being a racecar driver: At one point, he came on the radio Sunday and begged his guys to talk to him more.

At lap 161, Matt Kenseth was involved in a wreck that messed up six cars. Then he got black-flagged and penalized for passing cars under caution. Robbie Reiser protested, but NASCAR is NASCAR. Matt's car was in pretty bad shape and took several pit-stops to fix.

Several other things happened to some of the drivers, but our focus here is on the DeVine 9 1/2, you know? With 42 to go, the #42 (wow!) of Jamie McMurray car had some tire smoke and vibration. Jamie came in under green, and most wisely too, because his wheel was actually loose! Way to save the racecar, Jamie! At lap 276, Kyle Petty brought out the caution. Poor Kyle -- do you wonder if he races only to bring out the caution at pivotal moments?

After a restart with 11 to go, the #9 was spun by the #20, setting up a four-lap shoot-off, I mean shoot-out, between Bobby Labonte and Jimmie Johnson, who had beat him off pit road by about two inches. The finish was exciting, but not a repeat of last year's .002-second record-maker between Kurt Busch and winner Ricky Craven. This time, the winning pass was in the pits. Jimmie called the win "the highlight of my career so far" and said hello to his fiance in New York, whom he is to wed in December. December Bride, y'all! Is it any Spring Byington fans up in HE-AH?!

JEFF GORDON IN MY TOWN, AND IN THE NEWS!

During the recent Atlanta race weekend, Jeff Gordon and a tall blond dined in the Virginia-Highlands at La Tavola, it was reported in the Atlanta newspaper. The item said they said right in the middle of the restaurant, and Jeff was nice to the few folks who came up to ask for autographs. (I've never dined at La Tavola; I hear it's nice. I love the place that's right next door, Noche, where your host is my super-bud Robert Tussey and and the Southwestern cuisine is terrific -- try the crab cakes, yum!)

I only know what I read in the cyberpapers, but I'm on Jeff's side in this dispute with the Ohio camera crew. As the story goes, Jeff and party were en route from Cincinnati to Charlotte Monday night when a warning light came on in the private jet and they had to turn back. Jeff described the event as "scary." At the airport, he and his party dined while another jet was secured. After dinner, he was confronted by a local camera crew, and he apparently blew his top. "I certainly said some things I shouldn't have," Jeff said, claiming someone egged him on. I have not seen this video, but can only imagine that one would be ever-so peeved at being pestered after such a fright. Jeff probably didn't cuss them any more than they deserved. Speaking of which...

BREAKING NEWS! PEOPLE AT THE RACETRACK ARE CUSSING!

NASCAR was in the news several days this week over the issue of drivers and their cussing. It seems that in the continuing national crackdown following "The Day Janet Jackson's Titty Shook the World to Its Core," they are worried that the "broadcast partners" will get fined by the government if they broadcast footage of the drivers cussing. For a while, they were even saying the drivers had to stop cussing on their in-car radios, but then they relented, reasoning that anybody who's paying money to listen to those transmissions will just have to deal.

Personally, I believe the government is just using this titty incident as a excuse to establish further precedent for restricting communications. I think non-stop cussing is common and unattractive, but you have to love moments like Kevin Harvick's comment on the boos that rained down after Kurt Busch's victory in the Sharpie 500 at Bristol last year: "He's learning what being a butthole will get you." Besides, listen to the way the people at the track are talking! They're cussing so damn loud they can't even hear the drivers to know if they are the hell cussing or not, dammit!

NASCAR ON THE REALLY, REALLY BIG SCREEN

The new NASCAR 3-D IMAX movie is big and bright and very loud. And certainly, there are a few moments when the glory of NASCAR and the majesty of 3-D IMAX do rub together most promisingly. But when the checkered flag waves, this movie seems like a really polished informercial -- the kind of thing you'd happily sit and watch at 3 a.m. while unwinding with a nightcap after a night on the town -- but $10 for 48 minutes?

In the beginning, there's the obligatory tip o' the cap to racing's moonshiney origins, in a cute bit where Jimmie Johnson and Ryan Newman successfully outrun some lawmen (one of whom is NASCAR President Mike Helton) on a gravel Blue Ridge Mountains road. In the modern speedway segments, the specially shot IMAX footage of the cars on the track is awesome, with terrific visuals and sound. But IMAX can only do that "IMAX thing" with stuff shot the IMAX way, so when the movie recalls great wrecks of the past and so forth, these are shown in a screen box that is much smaller than the "eight stories tall" that IMAX advertises. Longtime fans, though, will enjoy seeing the old Winston Cup logo on everything, and there are some great shots of Miss Winston trying hard not to get Victory Lane champagne in her eyes. We miss you, Miss Winston!

There is some good 3-D -- my favorite parts were close-up views of the pit crews during 13-second stops, and a bit where a loose tire on the track comes flying right at the camera. Duck, Dixie! But in general, really, the movie needs more and better 3-D. The best part of the whole trip to the megaplex was the trailer that ran before the movie -- it promoted an upcoming 3-D IMAX movie of animated cartoons. We were totally howling and ducking during this crazy and colorful preview -- I can't wait to see that movie!

OK y'all -- anybody who's going to Bristol this weekend, send me a picture, you hear?

Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!