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"THIS IS BETTY JACK DEVINE, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE:"

Welcome, gay NASCAR fans. So so sorry to be so so late with my report from Chicagoland -- sometimes even Betty Jack herself has pressing "real work" concerns that must be addressed!

Friends, it's certainly lucky that an off-Sunday occurred right after the Chicago event -- lots of people needed the time to cool off, while others, we hope, are attending driving school or perhaps visiting their psychiatrist. The tangle that went down on lap 127, on the track and in the pits, is something we'll be hearing about for the rest of the season.

Our DeVine 91/2 fantasy team had four guys in the top 10 at Chicago, if you include the tarnished crown earned by Stewart's shabby victory. We've still got eight guys in the top 10 in points: It was not a good week for the team, with only Kevin (two spots) and Elliott (one spot) moving up, while Jr., Jeff, Tony, Matt, Jamie and Mikey stayed the same, and Ryan (one spot), Kurt (two spots) and Kasey (three spots) fell back.

Kenny Crosswhite of Motor Racing Outreach brought the invocation, and Sara Evans did the anthem. Sara slowed it down so much it was like that episode of "The Simpsons" when the singer at the ballpark takes so long on the anthem that the moon changes positions in the sky. But she did make the end drop right on the arrival of a big ole B-52.

Jeff Gordon, clearly enjoying the return of his mojo, was on the pole and led until lap 16, when Kasey slid on in there! Go Kasey! At lap 18, the caution flew for a crash in which Ryan had a flat and wrecked Kurt Busch. (Dudes, you're not supposed to take out other team members? Remember at the Devine 91/2 driver's meeting, when I got up on the chair and hollered that I had an announcement? Well, if you'd been paying attention, you'd know that's what it was about!) Tony took the lead in lap 22. Caution came out for Brendan Gaughan's transmission in lap 24. Caution Debris appeared in lap 40. Green flag pit stops took place; in lap 120, the caution was out for Ricky Craven's blown engine.

So far so good -- but now, it gets ugly. Kasey took the lead in the pits under the yellow. But in the restart at lap 127, Tony hit the back of Kasey's Dodge, spinning him around and collecting Jr. Dave Blaney, Scott Riggs, Jeff Burton and John Andretti. Kasey's crew chief, Tommy Baldwin, led his boys down to discuss the wreck with the crew of the #20 car, and all heck broke loose, with ripping and kicking and all kind of fighting right on TV! It was something! Too bad NBC has the races back now -- I would have loved to have heard ole DW on FOX call that action! As a result of that bump, Tony took the lead and the race. The remaining cautions for were debris and crashes by Mike Bliss and Jeff Green. Mark Martin had a chance to win but ran out of gas. When Tony drove into Victory Lane after leading the last 26 laps, he neglected to do a burn-out, and seemed nearly incapable of climbing out. When he did so, he definitely got a mix of boos and cheers.

n the week after Chicago, NASCAR took a pounding in the press. The Charlotte Observer's David Poole blasted NASCAR for treating Tony with kid gloves instead of suspending him for punching Brian Vickers at Infineon. Kasey car owner, Ray Evernham, tore Tony up, saying he needed an ass-whupping and Ray would be happy to start it off. "Something's got to be done. He's going to hurt somebody. When he does, he's going to be in big trouble," Ray warned. NASCAR later fined Tommy $10,000. In other Kasey news, now he's being sued by Ford for breach of contract because he was supposed to drive for them instead of Dodge! Can you believe it? How can you blame anyone for not wanting to drive a stupid FORD?

KERRY-EDWARDS O4!

Friends I could not be more enthusiastic and excited about this great Kerry-Edwards ticket! I've already ordered the new bumperstickers and have one on both my cars. Order yours today with the convenient link on this site -- you'll have yours in just about 10 days! GO KERRY-EDWARDS! GO DEMOCRATS!

ROLL ON, THURSDAY THUNDER!

All y'all gay NASCAR fans who stay in Georgia, you need to make it down to Atlanta Motor Speedway for one of their terrific Thursday Thunder shows this summer! You've only got a few weeks left -- the last night will be Aug. 5 -- so don't miss it. Dixie and I went just recently. They race on a real short track comprised of pit lane and the front-stretch, and they race all kinds of funny, small cars. The first race we saw had little mini Vettes and so forth flying around at 60 mph -- imagine our surprise when the winner climbed out and was about 9 years old!

There are many different divisions of racing, leading up to the Legends cars, which are like scaled down replicas of antique cars with buzzy motorcycle engines inside! These cars go fast, get racy and have real wrecks! I understand that many of our Cup drivers started out in these types of races. If you're in the ATL vicinity, be sure to catch a night of racing at Thursday Thunder -- and for just $5, such a deal!

OH JAMIE! GO JAMIE!

I don't usually watch Speed's "Wind Tunnel" show, but will try and catch it this Wednesday, when the guest is to be my darling Jamie McMurray! Sweet, dudes!

BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!

Friends, on Sunday, July 18, we were shocked and horrified to see Jr.'s awful fiery crash during practice at Infineon. Jr. was able to climb out but was burned on his chin and the inside of both thighs -- YIKES! He was reportedly "bummed and disappointed" not to be able to race and will be back in his car at Dover. I had a bad feeling about him racing in the stupid American Le Mans series anyway -- playing around with a different type of car and racing is exactly the kind of thing you'd expect would get somebody in trouble. I know y'all all join me in sending prayers and good thoughts to June Bug -- we love you, dude!

That's it for this week friends. See you at Dover! Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!