"THIS IS BETTY JACK DEVINE, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE:"
Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Congratulations to the DeVine 9 1/2's Jeff Gordon, who sails into the Mother's Day break flying high and wide after taking the checkers two weeks in a row! Sunday's race was double-different from the previous one. The hard-charging Bobby Labonte notwithstanding, Jeff won decisively -- unlike at Talladega, where so many questioned the call that gave him the final lead. And in his native California, Jeff's victory was greeted by all the adoration that naturally accrues to the young, rich, gorgeous and wildly successful -- unlike at Talladega, where his victory under caution earned a hail of fan-lobbed trash. I actually believe Jeff's claim that he doesn't mind those backstretch boos, but it was still nice to see this dashing dude get his props for a change. Thanks, y'all West Coast fans!
This week we had four guys in the top 10, with Mark Martin just outside in 11th spot. In the points race, Jr. still leads, but now just by 25 points over Jimmie Johnson. We've got eight guys in the NEXTEL Top 10, and lurking just outside are Kasey, Jamie and Mark! Sweet! But watch for Jimmie to close more on Jr. The #48 was right behind the #24 Sunday when it crossed the stripe with just enough gas for a partial burnout. Jimmie is going to want Jeffy to return the favor soon.
The weather and the crowd looked terrific in Fontana, where the Rev. Bob Peterson of Motor Racing Outreach called the 105,000 present to prayer. Kelly Westen-(something) sang the National Anthem in a pleasing church-type way. The flyover featured four F-18s.
The skinny, dimple-chin pole-sitter was Kasey Kahne. It was Kasey's third pole this year! Kasey was sporting a most agreeable scruff. It's fun to watch a smoothie try to rough up! Woof!
Talking about cute, girls, get this: In the pre-race in-car interviews, Jamie McMurray was sitting in his car with his helmet off, popping his ear-plugs into his mouth and sucking on them like candy to get them lubed up for insertion! And all the time answering the reporter's questions and looking up with those dreamy silver-blue eyes. I told Dixie and Cherrelle, "Jamie is making those ear-plugs look like the luckiest things at this speedway!"
When we went green, Kasey and fellow front-row driver Joe Nemechek put on an exciting show to get that first-lap lead. Kasey took it, then Joe led a little, then Kasey enjoyed 20 laps out front. Looking good, KK!
Of course, you could hardly watch the action up front for gawking at the rampages of the #20 car! Going into the weekend, Tony had already been warned: After all, he spun Kurt Busch and set off a 10-car wreck last week at Talladega -- and after the race, he made an insane U-turn that messed up his car and Terry Labonte's. It was public knowledge that NASCAR had warned him during the race, and he was called to a meeting before this past weekend. So imagine everyone's shock, and the horror and terror of it all, when Tony goes like monkey-house CRAZY on the track! First the #20 made contact with the #2 of Rusty Wallace on lap 6. On lap 7, Tony slides up the track into Jeff Gordon, who masterfully kept himself from getting mashed up into the wall! (The announcers said Tony sent an apology to Jeff via the spotters.) Then Tony got up beside Rusty and mashed him up against the wall. I called up my racing pals Amy and AJ, and I says, "Watch that #20 car, because that's where the wrecks are going to happen!" I'll save Rusty's remarks and Tony's comeback for the gossipy part of the column -- read on down a little lower, daddy!
There was a terrible, right-front-down and into the wall full-speed wreck in lap 22 with the #94 car of Stanton Barrett, a Hollywood stuntman. Talk about field-fillers... Did you know that only 43 teams even tried out for the 43 spots on Sunday? Can you imagine? Our economy is in such trouble, and I blame it every bit on Bush. Stanton was OK, but it was a scary wreck. At lap 51, Todd Bodine blew up, bringing out the 2nd caution. After a restart at lap 56, the next big event was Kurt Busch's spin in a substance that was called, at various times during the day, Quickie Dry, Speedy Dry or Oil Dry. I think they should call it Spinny Mo, cuz that's what it produced! At lap 140, caution number four came out for debris. There was a lot of talk about how the ice bag they gave Kasey had broken in his firesuit, and now he was all wet and hot! Mercy! Morgan Shepherd was done at lap 164. With 94 to go, Kasey passed Jeff for the lead. Jeff took it back with 59 to go. After some lead swaps around green-flag pit stops, Jeff took the lead back at lap 204 and held on tight. Kasey was 2nd for a while but spun around in some of that damn Spinny Mo! Jeff lapped Jamie right before the end.
Bobby Labonte might have caught Jeff, except the #18 ran out of gas with one to go. It was Jeff Gordon's 6th win in his home state of California. Congratulations, Jeff! But the the talk of the post-race interviews was driver #20, as everyone asked. . .
'HAS TONY STEWART GONE INSANE?'
Now really, what's up with "Smoke?" Tony had already been warned and counseled after Talladega, so you might have expected him to drive carefully around the low-banked track at California. But no! Like an actor who insists on upstaging everyone, Tony raced like an escaped lunatic! Rusty got wrecked out by the lap 57 spin of Kurt Busch, but he saved all his powder for Tony Stewart, who mashed hard up against the #2 car early in the race:
"...This Stewart guy, I'll tell ya, I don't know what's going on there. He's coming out of the back straightaway with his finger out the windowĘ [Rusty simulates flipping the bird] and just giving me the bird all the way down the straightaway, after he run me through the fence, so, ah, I'd like to take that finger and jam it right up his rear end, I'll tell ya that, cause he's messing with the wrong guy with that mouth right now, I'm not in the mood for him right now." (Thanks to Amanda and Tivo for that transcription of Rusty's eruption!)
Girl! Rusty was not having this at all, OK? That was during the race; afterwards, Rusty said Tony "has lost a ton of respect" on the track. For his part, Tony said, "I remember a day when drivers were a little more cordial than they are today and then when a faster driver came up would let them go..." Lawsy, Miss Scarlett! I reckon them days is just Gone with the Wind! This leads to our . . .
'QUESTION OF THE WEEK'
"Did Tony get that 'mental-patient haircut' because he was going crazy, or is he going crazy because he got a 'mental-patient haircut?'' You know the haircut I'm talking about: Short all over with a hint of bad bangs on the front? Really, I wonder if we here at Gaytona.com share part of the blame for this? I mean, I did criticize Tony for being a really boring Cup Champion last year. Did I accidentally help set loose this Kurt-spinning, Jeff-mashing, Rusty-crushing creature? What will Tony do next, y'all?
BETTY JACK ON THE RADIO!
Here's a special invitation to all y'all fans in the Baltimore area: I've been invited to be a guest on the "Out to Lunch with Steve and Miles" show on Hot Talk LIVE 105.7 FM this Friday around 12:30 p.m.! Please tune in if you get the chance -- it should be a lot of fun!
'KIEFER SUTHERLAND HAMMERED IN GAY BAR'
That's the actual headline from the recent National Enquirer -- I include it in my news this week because Keifer narrates that (really ho-hum) 3D IMAX NASCAR movie. The pictures with the article are cute -- Keifer was apparenenty partying in a West Hollywood gay place called the Spot Light well before noon when he came outside for a smoke and a crowd gathered. You know, I'll bet the potential for spotting celebreties is going to go way, way up in the states that ban smoking in bars! It's a papparazi's dream come true -- the hardest-partying stars in the club staggering to the curb at regular intervals to suck down a cig! Then, back inside, the article said a gal in the bar dropped her drawers to Keifer, and he responded in kind! At one point, Keifer actually fell in the floor! Now really, doll, let's keep it between the walls. Fun is fun, but don't fall over that "mess line."
RICH AND RARE, THE PERFECT GIFT
Friends, this week we're featuring a link to the Funtone USA Record Store. Go there now and see the amazing collection of early, limited-release records by RuPaul, the Pop Tarts, the Now Explosion and other terrific artists. These rare, factory-sealed CD and vinyl copies make wonderful gifts -- sure to delight and amaze your friends!
THE HOOD OF MORGAN SHEPHERD
The announcers on Sunday lavished praise on the driving skills and heat endurance of "the 62-year-old Morgan Shepherd," and deservedly so. On the hood of his unsponsored racecar, Morgan has chosen to put a cross and the large word JESUS. As the FOX guys talked up Morgan, I remarked it was odd that the cameraman was obviously taking care to frame the shot so as to not show the whole name JESUS. When I asked Dixie why they were doing that, she said, "Jesus didn't give FOX any money, I guess."
Thanks for stopping by the trailer this week, friends. Next week, we're off for Mother's Day. I'd like to salute all the mothers around the world, especially those whose families have been disrupted by the recent years of war. Please, please join me in working and praying for peace, and in setting a better course for America. KERRY FOR PRESIDENT! BUSH MUST GO!
Happy Mother's Day to one and all! See you for that Richmond night race -- Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!
Love,
Betty Jack DeVine
E ME at Bettyjack@bellsouth.net
