Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Girls! Bristol -- what can I say? Whole lotta smacking going on, for sure! Bristol proved again why it's one of the hottest tickets in NASCAR. Honestly, there was more wrecking during Cup qualifying Friday at Bristol than some tracks see in years! Gosh, Saturday's Busch race drew 100,000-125,000 -- in other words, comparable to a Sunday race in the ATL. On Sunday, 160,000 fans packed into that speedway/coliseum -- and believe me, they got quite a show!

It was another great week for our DeVine 91/2 fantasy team: We had seven guys in the top 10, including winner Kurt Busch. We've also got seven guys in the top 10 points positions. Go team!

But it was anything but an easy ride for our team. The weekend got off to a shaky start when NASCAR officials confiscated Jamie's car! They said its back window did not measure up right. Jamie whipped out his spare car and made the show, starting in sixth position. But that incident did seem to set the tone for Jamie's weekend.

A lot of guys brought new cars to Bristol, and some had new paint. The cutest new look of the day was on Elliott's #38. Instead of M&Ms, it advertised Pedigree dog food and had a big picture of a handsome golden retriever on the side. The dog looked a lot like Bud and Kathryn's doggy Big Sam, who's been under the weather. (Feel better soon, Big Sam!)

A Church of Christ preacher brought the invocation Sunday and said a nice prayer. The Mountain Mission School Concert Choir sang something that resembled the National Anthem -- but just a little bit! This wasn't a case of being flat -- it was about an arrangement that was so odd, it was not the same song! We never got a look at this chorus -- I do not know if they were somehow challenged, or what. Here on my porch, we kind of looked at each other and went, "what the hell??" You could almost SEE the drivers and crews doing the same thing. Matt Kenseth and wife Katie looked like they were just about to bust out laughing. That National Anthem -- every week, it's something different, you know? Rep. Rick Boucher gave the command -- good to see a Democrat at the NASCAR track!

Pole-sitter Ryan Newman led the first 25 laps. Ryan finished the day in 7th, but that doesn't begin to tell you the struggle he had. More than once, he fell back almost helplessly.

Now at this point, I need to ask FOX: "WHA HAPPEN???" Missing wrecks can happen to anyone, but Sunday it happened over and over -- and missing restarts? What's up with missing restarts? I certainly hope FOX has not hired some NBC reject to come over and make the coverage as lame as it is on NBC!

The first of numerous wrecks FOX missed Sunday involved two of our team's favorite numbers: #42 and #9. From the replays, it looked like Jamie had a good run inside of Kasey but Kasey moved back down in front of him, getting nudged in the process. Kasey spun and hit the wall and was done for the day. Jamie spun trying to avoid further contact; he saved his racecar but had trouble pitting and lost 25 positions. While the replay made it pretty clear that the #9, who was running 2nd, was getting in the way of Jamie, Kasey was furious in his interview: He said Jamie had wrecked him out in his first time at Bristol, and now Jamie had done it again, and payback was coming. In a close-up after the crash, Kasey's long, delicate fingers were shaking. I really hated it for both guys, but I do not believe it was Jamie's fault. The next green-flag run was short, ending when Brian Vickers machine kicked its driveshaft onto the track.

Again this week, there was much attention on Rusty Wallace, who's been winless for 103 races. Darrell Waltrip said Rusty "has got the gusto of a hungry hound right now." I'm sure it must suck to be driving for a sucky beer like Miller Lite and keep getting beaten by Jr. in that ripping red Bud Chevy! There was a lot of excitement when the #2 took the lead at lap 26, and a lot of resentment when Tony Stewart took it from him at lap 82 with an expert bump and run that drew a warning from NASCAR.

There was some wrecking at lap 101 that it looked like Kevin Harvick might have started, but then we saw that he didn't. Tony next got mad at Scott Wimmer, and after some car-slapping under caution that was obviously started by the #20, NASCAR made both cars come in for a black-flag penalty in their box! FOX showed the points totals at that moment: Tony had lost a spot, and that's where he finished the day. During a pre-taped interview, FOX showed Tony talking about how the fans want to see the drivers get mad and get even. Maybe so, but he might still be 3rd in the points without that little production. Last year, Tony was so "whatever" it was boring to watch him -- Dixie thinks they might have changed his meds to something more "fight club."

Baby E took the lead at lap 282. Around this time, the #41 of Casey Mears was back out after repairs -- no one could believe this car was on the track! It was so torn up, it must have scared the small children watching! There was some really great racing around lap 310 as Ryan fought like crazy to keep from getting lapped by Jr. And even though Ryan was incorrectly declared lapped by FOX at one point, he never was. During this clash of the big boys, NBC cut to a live commercial with Dick Breggren selling subscriptions to a magazine! Have these people gone all the way crazy, or what? Green-flag pit stops happened around now, and Jeff Gordon made a big mistake by going in on the wrong side, so that he had to go pit lane speed all the way around. Then it was time for Derrick Cope to wreck (Hey Amy! Some surprise, huh?).

Now we're at the point each week where, enjoying my cocktails like I do during the race, my notes start to get harder and harder to follow -- and at Bristol it's even worse, so bear with me! With 70 to go, Jr. (who found out he was missing all eight lugs on a rear wheel) spun himself on purpose to bring out the caution, then bragged about it on the radio! What a dog! (Later, Jr. got called down to the trailer, but not for that: He was admonished for criticizing the track cleaners.)

The whole long, crazy day came down to a two-lap shoot-out following a red-flag period brought on by the crashes of Messrs. Jarrett and Wimmer. At the green, leader Kurt Busch said Rusty frammed the hell out of his car, lifting the back-end off the ground and accidentally giving the Sharpie car the bump-draft it needed for a rocket start.

In the final, crazy moments of a really crazy day, Jamie and Matt were beating and banging! Jamie said Matt started it by bumping by him, knocking Jamie from 4th to 8th -- but Jamie finished it by popping the #17 a couple of times on the track, then spinning him on pit lane! What in the world made the sweetest boy with a gearshift get so mad this weekend? USA Today wrote it up under the headline, "McMurray's Wild Day." Really, we're on Jamie's side in both these disputes -- we got ya back, bud!

All this took some of the attention away from the victory of Kurt Busch, which is probably good or the boos would have been even louder! Kevin pointed out how funny it is to hear the Sharpie driver booed at a track with Sharpie signs everywhere! Jeff Hammond excitedly predicted that Kurt would "do a display of burn-outs," and that's just what he did. It was Kurt's 4th trip to Victory Lane in five trips to Bristol, which he declared "unreal." Since Kurt didn't steal this victory from anyone, though, you might expect the fans to treat him a little better -- dream on...

'GET HIM OUT OF HERE!'

We had a good laugh about Sterling Marlin. It seems his grandson, Sterling Blaise, was born during the week. (Congrats, dude!) DW said that Sterling almost made it home from Darlington "in time to see his grandson being born." That would have been some kind of surprise for his daughter-in-law, I'll bet you!

Well, I'd better pull out of Bristol before everybody on the team wig-snatches and bitch-slaps everybody else on the team! Have a great week, and I'll see y'all next weekend in Texas!

Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!