"THIS IS BETTY JACK DEVINE, AND I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE:"
Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Sunday was another wonderful day for our darling Jeff Gordon, whose win was his fifth for the year! Go, Jeff! In Victory Lane, Jeff said, "I don't get cheered very often, and it's awesome to hear these people cheering me in Indianapolis!" We couldn't agree more -- it's great to see this handsome, speedy winner get some respect.
You know, I'm often asked, "is so-and-so driver gay?" Of course, speculating about who's gay is NOT the purpose of this site, and I do not respond to such inquiries about Jeff or any other drivers. However, after Sunday, I can sure say I've seen Jeff on his knees, with his ass in the air, kissing something big and hard!
Sunday at the Brickyard, we had seven guys in the top 10. We continue to have eight guys in the top 10 in points. This week, Tony, Kevin, Kasey and Jamie moved up one; Matt and Mikey moved down one; Mark and Ryan lost two; Jeff, Jr., Elliott and Kurt kept ahold of their places. At this point, Kasey, Jamie, Mark and Mikey have not secured a place in the Chase for the Championship. From the full list of 77 NASCAR drivers, 48 have now been "mathematically eliminated" from Chase.
The prayer on Sunday was offered by the Rev. Howard Brammer of Prairie Point Christ Church. Y'all, this preacher prayed a really long prayer -- possible the longest of the year so far. I believe that anyone asked to bring the prayer at the race should follow the example of the Rev. Howard Marchman of Daytona Beach, whose prayers are always loving, inclusive and brief. Rascal Flatts sang the National Anthem. Their version was innovative and well-executed, even though their highly original ending was something most folks could truly say they'd never heard before. Since we were at Indy, we were treated to the start command by a racing legend whose family actually INVENTED the saying, "gentlemen, start your engines!" Of course, that's Mari Hulman George! (Because her story is SO incredible, I'm going to repost what I wrote about her last year -- see below.)
Casey Mears was on the pole and had to fight like an Atlanta rat just to lead the first lap as Ward Burton pulled alongside him, getting all bangy and everything! By the 3rd lap, our leader was Elliott Sadler! Good to see you out front, candy boy! The first caution came out when Jason Leffler wrecked after losing the right front. Just after the restart, Mikey had a flat and had to come in under green.
The #20 car of Tony Stewart was sporting a new silver, orange and white paint scheme celebrating Tony's 25th anniversary in racing and the 25th year of the Home Depot. As if to call further attention to his car, Tony interrupted an impressive march forward with a krazy-klown spin during which he used incredible control to right his car and get it going right without hitting anything -- just some amazing moves, really.
Jeff Gordon took the lead in lap 27. The third caution came out for what I'll call my "Pimp Slap of the Week" -- Ryan spun out Jimmie Johnson! Oh, I'm sure it wasn't on purpose -- but Jimmie and Bobby Labonte are taking up spaces that our DeVine 91/2 could be in! Somebody say Jamie! Kasey! But Kasey had a tough break: he lost a right tire and hit the wall but kept it well under control. The fourth caution was for Tony Raines' flat tire.
Now comes part of the day when the natural theme of the race was artfully revealed: "Tire Fire! Tire Fire!" Or, as we say down in Dixieland, "TAR FAR! TAR FAR!" Sterling Marlin had a left front flat and the flying debris brought out the caution. But because pit road was closed, Sterling drove around on the wheel, which quickly locked up, got all sparky and then burned up!
Soon there was a mighty toasty fire in the wheel well, and Sterling was jumping out the window looking like he sure could use one of those watery beers pushed by his Republican-loving sponsors. (Remember how they used to tell you Coors had to stay cold all the time to be good, and then they suddenly stopped keeping it cold and just stacked it in the corner like the other beers? What was up with that?) Well, all the announcers were pretty well calling Sterling a lame peter-head for tearing up his racecar that way. I'm telling you, that tar far was something to see!
On the restart, we got a big-ass wreck -- eight cars were in it. I never figured what happened, except that Rusty got kicked around like a beer can. After while, our points leader Jimmie Johnson blew up, bringing out the seventh caution. It was good to see JJ have to set down and give someone else a chance.
Brendan Gaughan wrecked for the next caution. Soon enough, Robbie Gordon had a left front flat. And what does he do? He drives around the whole track, just like he'd seen Sterling do, until there was a TAR FAR! TAR FAR! Well, by this time we were all hollering TAR FAR and Cherelle was laughing so hard she was about in the floor! Only, unlike Sterling, Robbie pitted with his tar a-far and there's this great bit of comedy where some guys are trying to put out the far and other guys are trying to change all four and gas the burning racecar! The guys on the #6 team, next door, ran away from the clouds of smoke!
With 18 to go, the #17 car hit debris and had to come in. Then, NASCAR brought out the caution for debris. The leaders stayed out. We learned that Jeff's car had also hit some debris, and a piece of his front bumper down low was tore up. We had another tar far caution with 12 to go. With six to go, Ryan wrecked, quite possibly with help from Jeff's teammate Brian Vickers. We had a restart with two to go, with the mysterious green-white-checkers we'd heard about! Mark's car blew a tire -- touch luck dude! Jeff ran away with it, just like he had most of the day, and it was sweet!
THE MARI HULMAN GEORGE STORY!
Y'all this just goes to show how you can look up something on the Internet and it blows your mind! When I went to Google to spellcheck my earlier reference to Mari Hulman George, I was directed to the site of the Indianapolis Star, where I learned that:
Mari's dad, Tony Hulman Jr., bought the Indy speedway when it was just a weedy mess after WWII.
Tony got folks to saying, "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
After he got too sick to say it, he got his wife, Mary Fendrich Hulman, to say it!
After she got too sick to say it, she got their only child, Mari Hulman, to say it!
In 1957, Mari married Elmer George, an unsuccessful racecar driver. They had four kids. Mary was the speedway chair, and Elmer was the vice president in charge of international radio.
On Indy 500 race day in 1976, Elmer argued by phone with his horse trainer, then after, the race, went over and confronted the guy, who shot him dead! But the jury refused to indict the trainer!
Mari and Elmer's son Tony became president and CEO when Elmer died.
In a really messy 1989 divorce trial, Tony's "use of cocaine and marijuana was revealed," according to the Indy Star!
Gosh, no wonder Mari looks like she's seen it all! She really has!
THAT'S FINE, BABY
Did you read that Jimmie Johnson was fined $10,000 for using a Lowe's sign to block the giant Powerade bottle on the top of his racecar during the Victory Lane celebration at Pocono? This apparently has been an ongoing problem, as NASCAR sponsors (in this case Coke's Powerade) conflict with a driver's sponsor (in this case Pepsi). Several people have pointed out that this problem exists because NASCAR is basically wiling to sell the same ad "real estate" more than once. And on Speed's "Pit Bull" show, David Poole of the Charlotte Observer showed video from Pocono in which a NASCAR employee, whose name he called, had picked up the Lowe's sign when it fell and put it right back in front of the giant Powerade bottle! Are they going to fine their employee too?
IT'S MUY CALIENTE, BUDDY!
NASCAR announced this week that next year's Busch schedule will feature a race in Mexico City -- and the race will have the year's biggest purse: $2 million. I think that's a great idea. Every time I've been to a Busch race, I've seen Latino fans, so I bet this will be a hot ticket. Let's get us a foxy Latino-American to drive a racecar next -- that will heat things up for sure!
That's it for this week, friends. Please use the link on this site to order your Kerry/Edwards signs and bumperstickers! Follow the examples of the great musical stars -- Bruce Springstein, Jackson Browne, Bonnie Raitt, the Dixie Chicks, R.E.M. -- and get out there and work for our great Democratic ticket! DEMOCRATS UNITED FOR VICTORY!
See y'all at Watkins Glen -- let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!
Love,
Betty Jack DeVine
E ME at Bettyjack@bellsouth.net
