Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Girls, my wig is still way sideways from all the fun we had Sunday down at the Atlanta 500! Talk about a time, honey, we had it! Thanks to our infield hosts Amy and AJ, to their wonderful racetrack neighbors Glenda and Bob, and to their new friends, exceedingly horny and buck-wild Tom and his partner (in crime only) Sean. More -- lots, lots more -- about our speedway adventure in just a minute.

It was another great week for the DeVine 9 1/2 as Dale Jr. won for our little fantasy team -- that's four in a row for the 9 1/2 -- we've won every race up to now! So far this year, it looks like if you want to win a NASCAR race, you had better have a gay following! Who knew? We had six guys in the top 10 on Sunday, and now we hold eight of the top 10 points positions! Go team!

Atlanta is totally an Earnhardt town, as I mentioned last week. During the three-hour crawl to Atlanta Motor Speedway, we had plenty of time to check out everyone's stickers to see who the top driver was. Well, it was Baby E, of course -- by a mile. Inside, viewed from the infield, the grandstands were a sea of red. Coming off his disastrous non-race in Las Vegas, Junior desperately needed a big win, and he got it before 125,000 race fans on a gorgeous spring day. (Way to scare us all week long about the coming monsoon, weather.com! I don't know why I even bother with these weather "predictions.")

Jr. admitted that the extreme loserness of his LV experience would likely have ripped his team to pieces in earlier years, but instead they all stayed calm and pulled together to get it right. Even after what must have been a grueling week, Jr. was kind enough to stand up as best man Saturday at the Victory Lane wedding of a couple he had met in Orlando five days before! They got married right before the truck race. Jr. told the Atlanta paper, "I'm only interested in doing the best man part of this now. I'm not doing the other part right now." OK, party on, dog!

On Eagle 106.7, Atlanta's racing station, on the way down to the track, everyone was talking Tony -- and Stewart did lead the most laps. But he lost the lead to Casey Mears (who ran a very strong race) in lap 178 and never got it back. The race on Sunday had only three cautions -- all for stuff on the track -- and no wrecks at all, so Jr. owes a lot of his win to the guys who got him pitted and back out so fast. The drivers who led laps were pole-sitter Newman, Jeff Gordon, Tony, Robbie Gordon, Biffle, Mears, and Jeremy Mayfield, whom Jr. passed for the win at lap 310 of 325. Jamie blew an engine on lap 245 and fell seven positions to 16th in points. (Don't get discouraged, dude! You sure looked good all cocked-up on the back of that truck during the parade of drivers! Woof!).

WELCOME, NEW #9!

Thanks to all of y'all who wrote in last week saying we should add Kasey Kahne to the DeVine 91/2 fantasy team. I flipped over KK when I first saw him in the NASCAR Illustrated season preview. He's having an incredible year, having broken the speed record at Las Vegas and finished 2nd at the Rock and LV and 3rd in Atlanta. Most foxy and slim and ultra fast, Kasey is our team's lone rookie. We're glad to see him in the #9 made famous by Georgia's own Bill Elliott (who's been saying some really dumb things in favor of Bush -- get real, Bill. Bush is the worst thing to hit the South since Sherman.) Go Kasey! (And yes, I realize the DeVine 91/2 is now 12, so I'll stop adding members.)

MY DAY AT THE SPEEDWAY

Now I have to make a little confession to y'all -- even though I am Googly recognized as the Queen Bee of gay NASCAR fans, I had never actually attended a Cup race until Sunday! (I'd been to three Saturday races, but no Sunday events. I hope this revelation does not shatter your opinion of me.) Our race pals Amy and AJ had been on Dixie and me to make it to a race, and Sunday, did we ever!

Lawsy Mee, where to begin? We navigated our way to a pretty good parking place near the tunnel entrance -- thanks to the advice of that helpful Atlanta Motor Speedway ticket lady -- and arrived during an unbelievable display of military aircraft. This was not even the flyover -- that came later! Dixie and I were stumbling up to the gals' party spot just as the massive helicopters that were as big as locomotive cars flew over about 100 feet over our heads! This was accompanied by an announcer who babbled like a crazy monkey about terror, terrorism, and terrorists! Talk about psychedelic -- and we were still sober! But that would not last long, believe me...

Next, we had the driver introductions. Amy and AJ's most excellent spot is on the 2nd row inside Turn 2, and right after the drivers on parade pass this point, they roll alongside the long backstretch at AMS. Well, the folks in those stands were sure-enough frothing at the mouth -- they hated Jeff Gordon just as much as they loved Baby E, and boy did they show it!

Just as the race was going green, the announcer was frantically hollering for everybody on the back stretch to get back in their seats and stop rushing the fence. Those people stayed on their feet for longer than anybody else up in the stands. But eventually, even they sat down, because, as Glenda said later, "THAT RACE WAS SO SUCKY!" I mean, we had a total blast all day, but the complete lack of ANY action at all really got old! Those "cautions debris" (it's French, honey) were clearly just an attempt to bunch up the cars so somebody would run into something -- but even that didn't work! Dixie said, "Betty Jack, I have been to four NASCAR races, and I have still not seen a wreck!" (OK, one was an ARCA race, but that's still telling the truth!)

Well, not to worry because what the race lacked in excitement, the race fans more than made up for! Amy and AJ -- who are two totally out and proud dykes -- have completely made themselves the favorites of all their neighbors at AMS. I want to stop right here and say that I think the bravest, most radical thing gay people can do is to be ourselves wherever we go. (I believe this kind of honesty is what my rector is talking about when he preaches on the importance of "living with absolute integrity." That is exactly what these two gals do at the track, and I tip my wig to them. When we win friends we win hearts, and winning hearts can change the world.)

Previously at the speedway, we had met next-trailer neighbors Glenda and Bob. Y'all, these nice folks are the proof of what you've always heard about the kindness of NASCAR fans. They shared their dinner with us, and amused us with their nonstop crazy talk! (Bob allowed that if something measured four inches up on side and four inches down the other, you were justified in saying it was eight inches! Go Bob!) During the race, Bob wore a Havoline cap (Go Jamie!) but as soon Baby E won, he switched to a #8! (Go Jr.!) Bob and Glenda brought their cute Chihuahua, Cinnamon, to the race track. They told us that one day, Cinnamon took missing, and then they found that doggy right over by the fence, barking like crazy at the racecars going by at 180 mph! (Go Cinnamon!)

At this race, Glenda and Bob seemed to have adopted two complete nut-jobs, Tom and Sean. These boys do some kind of racing, modified dirt racing track in Indiana, I think -- Tom Spain is the Racing Sailor and races the #21 and Sean is his pit crew boss. Well, these guys were a sho-nuff mess. First, they mooned us from the roof of the trailer across the way. Then Tom kept wanting to try and turn Amy and AJ straight. He said he had also tried to turn Sean into a "cocksucker," but Sean wouldn't go for it. Glenda opined that Tom should try to get his wife to "suck cock" the way he liked it, but Tom seemed more interested in training Sean. Then Tom wanted a picture with Dixie in the trailer, and we shot the unbelievable photos you see at the left. Tom seemed especially pleased as Dixie happily wiggled and bobbed on his lap: Tom shouted joyfully that somebody sure had Dixie "trained real good!" You can look at the pictures and see the fun we were having! (Go Dixie and Tom!)

Well, after a while, we most reluctantly parted ways with our new pals. Glenda hugged Dixie and me and said she wanted us both to be sure and come back for the fall race. We promised to do just that, if Amy and AJ will have us again. Thanks, NASCAR super friends, for sharing the fun with us on a great, great day at the speedway!

Friends, that's all for this week. We've all got an appointment this Sunday -- an appointment with the Lady in Black! See you at Darlington!

Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!