Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Dover Sweep! SEVEN races for Ryan Newman! Can you believe it, racing buds and babes? Just like I said, the boy is the heart and soul of this, the final season of Winston Cup racing. Congratulations, Ryan! All the press, of course, made much of the fact that Ryan was the first beneficiary of "the Lucky Dog Pass," which gives the first lap-down guy his lap back when the caution comes out (more on that below). Anyway, Ryan was apparently the most vocal critic of the policy beforehand, so it was ironic that HE would be the first Lucky Dog!

This week, of course, just getting to the track was a race against nature, as Hurricane Isabel tore up from the South. Qualifying was canceled, and they had to take down all the hospitality tents and so forth from around the speedway, then quickly put them back up once the danger had passed. NASCAR has certainly had some larger than life challenges this year, what with the hurricane, and the blackout, and all.

In spite of all that trouble and inconvenience, and a rearranged schedule, nearly 140,000 fans were on hand Sunday to hear an Assembly of God preacher offer a nice nonpolitical prayer. We appreciate that. Jim and Tammy Bakker, of course, were Assembly of God folk, and we always enjoyed their shows so much! (Anybody else remember "Tammy Faye's House Party"?) Rachel Proctor sang the National Anthem; the war planes were at least a minute late, and there was no way she could stretch the song that long. Giving the start command was Melvin Johnson, builder of Dover's "Monster Mile." He was cute because he said "Gentlemen, please start your engines!" Very polite, really.

It's practically a race ritual that the Army car has to wreck out, and on about lap, oh, I think it was, 1 or 2, it sure enough did wreck out. Looked to me like the wreck might have been caused by the National Guard car -- perhaps because those Guardsmen are so very sick of serving in Iraq and want to give the whole mess back to the Army? (No joke y'all: I'm praying for all our armed services people, and I am demanding that our leaders get them out of there.)

Jamie McMurray had just swooshed his way up to 7th spot, around lap 70, when Joe Nemechek lost a right front and gave the wall a mighty smack. A ruptured line sent fire every which way -- Joe jumped free -- and the car blazed on. "That car's going to burn to the ground!" Benny Parsons hollered!

But then came the crazy part: Dover has these softer, safer walls (right on to that) but Joe's wreck had knocked a big piece out of one wall. So while the cars rolled around and around under yellow, this crew of like 2 workers and 10 "watchers" comes out to fix the wall, and they're welding and what have you, and this is taking FOREVER, and I'm thinking, these poor NASCAR fans paid to see racing, and they watching a traffic slowdown and roadway repair! I mean, this is like everyone's daily commute, not a NASCAR race! Really, I think they should red-flag the race if they have to fix something that complicated -- it seemed like it went on for half an hour -- it was actually 25 laps, I think.

After the restart, Mikey's car tore up. dropping him out of the top 10 in Winston points! Hate it for ya, Mikeybo.

Right about this time, we saw some great racing by Kevin in the #29 and Jimmie Johnson in the #48. We shouted with joy as the #29 held off the #48! Go, Kevin!

The crowd went wild again when Baby E took the lead away from Jeff Gordon after some real racy racing. Jr. got his nose all under Jeff's tail and got him loose, then just ripped by him and cut right back in front of him. Jeff didn't like that and put the same move on Jr.!

In another great moment of racing, after poking around the #48 looking to nose under him, Jamie McMurray ran way up and and just swept by Johnson for 6th! A totally class move that had us all gasping at its ultra-coolness!

The #97 car of Kurt Busch tore up again, just like it used to often before his recent success. This week the #97 was featuring a Rubbermaid Brute paint scheme. At first, we thought it was advertising that loud old disco cologne, but really it's a line of janitorial buckets and pails.

After leading three different times, Dale Jr. got loose and spun on a turn, hitting the wall backwards on the driver's side. The hit did not look so bad, so we were all shocked and real scared when the in-car cam showed a guy having to hold June Bug's head upright and then the safety workers hauling the unconscious Jr. out the window. By the time the show went off, they were showing him moving around, fastening his seat belt in a helicopter, but it was still very nerve-wracking. Be careful, fellows.

Ryan got his victory on fuel milage but had enough left for a burn-out and a victory lap.

Jeremy Mayfield, who finished 2nd after the best run I've seen him make since I've been looking at NASCAR, was wound up too tight in his post-race interview, though! He got in a "pissed off," then said, "If I'd a won this race on fuel mileage, I'd feel like shit!" Haven't heard yet if Jeremy got hit with any NASCAR cussing fines for his sassy mouth!

This week, the DeVine 91/2 got six of the top 10 positions, and we have seven guys in the top 10 points spots. Tony Stewart made it in; Mikey fell out; Kurt lost one spot, Kevin shot to 2nd place, with Jimmie Johnson in 3rd, as Jr. tumbled two positions to 4th.

A BUSY WEEK FOR MR. B

Wow, Mr. Brian France, the new chair and CEO of NASCAR, really got busy his first week in his new office. Responding to the near disaster at New Hampshire -- where Dale Jarrett was stuck on the track in a broken car and everyone zipped dangerously by him as they raced back to the stripe under yellow -- NASCAR made cautions instant, freezing the field and slowing the cars, so no one can pass the leader to get his lap back. But they also decided to let the first lap-down car get a lap back automatically when the caution comes out. This was dubbed the "Lucky Dog Pass" by the NBC guys in one of their funnier moments.

NASCAR also announced that teams can begin installing the roof escape hatch to make it easier to get out of a wrecked car. Remember, Mr. Brian was instrumental in the NASCAR research and development center, where these safety innovations originate, so he's probably very smart about this stuff.

And even with the new rules, Sunday's race was very exciting. But please, Mr. Brian: The next time there's a 25-lap caution with a major repair crew, stop the race until it's time to go green!

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!

UPS continued with its series of funny commercials backing it's "race the truck theme." This time, the marketing people made Dale Jarrett watch a movie trailer that sounded exactly like every movie trailer you ever hear anymore: "In a time when blah blah blah, one man remembered how to blah blah blah..." It was this big action-type preview called "Truck on the Track," and it showed this big delivery truck menacing these stock cars at the speedway. But when it ended, DJ was just incredulous at what they had shown him. Quoting from the movie, he says, "Eat my tailpipe??" A tip of my wig and race cap to whoever comes up with this stuff!

Friends, I hope we'll have beautiful weather this weekend in Talladega! If you go, send me a picture and a report! I'll see y'all at the Track Bar!