Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Dale Jr. won Sunday at Phoenix, and girl did he ever LOVE it! After mosh-diving onto his crew from the #8 Bud Chevy in Victory Lane, Jr. gave a totally adorable and most dude-like interview to NBC. Y'all, he was just so CUTE, and it was great to see him win his first non-restrictor plate race since Dover in the fall of 2001. Jr. teased us at first, leading just one lap (39), then jumped back up to lead 86-120, and finally 262-312.

So excuberant was the jubilation after the race that, according to David Poole of the Charlotte Observer, a female fan managed to run up to the press center window and flash her titties at Jr. during his post-race news conference. "Look at that! What a great day!" Jr. said happily. You gotta love Jr. All the guys want to be like him; all the gals think they can change him.

Going into Sunday, the press was all about the possibility that Matt Kenseth might clinch the title. Of course, when you actually heard how bad all the other contenders would have to finish to make a Kenseth win at Phoenix the clincher, you realized that Kang and Kodos from the Simpsons would have to target and eliminate the rest of the Winston Cup leaders for it to happen! Still, Allen St. John of the Wall Street Journal predicted that Kenseth "will be tooling around the track as carefully as any Lincoln-driving grandma." This, like so much else you read in the Wall Street Journal, was simply wrong! Matt finished 6th after starting 37th and he drove like a champ.

We were so glad, on Sunday, to have NASCAR to take our minds off the horror of the news: We had just learned about the awful helicopter tragedy in Iraq. I feel so sorry for all the family and friends of these brave soldiers. Bush should be put on trial for what he has done to our country! And now, $87 billion for Iraq? Doesn't anybody in Washington even give a damn about AMERICA any more? What about OUR folks, and OUR towns?

Serving up the National Anthem was Jesse McGuire, who blows the trumpet. Could he be the next National Trumpet Player, following Louis Armstrong and Al Hirt? Jesse had on some nice big pimpin' glasses for his race gig, too. But it looked like he dragged the song out too long: He was still in late-mid-anthem when the war planes zoomed over.

In the pits, the big question of the day became, "two or four?" Many more than usual guys were taking on only two tires in exchange for picking up some track position, a plan that served Kenseth well on his first stop. It inspired me to think of a low-rent action movie title: "Some Took Two." But no matter how many times I said it, that joke never got the laugh I was looking for, the laugh I thought it deserved, on my porch on Sunday. (What a fun time we had, soaking up the sun on such a golden Atlanta day! Thanks Dixie, Cherelle and Andy!)

There was a lot to see all day. The first caution came out when Jeremy Mayfield blew an engine and lost a bunch of oil on the track. Bye, Jeremy -- hate it for ya, dude. While Dale Jr. battled the #12 Ford of Ryan Newman for 2nd place, Kurt Busch ran off with the lead. But then Jr. chased down Kurt and took over at lap 86.

About that time, we got really interested in looked at a taped interview with Brian Vickers, the new racer on Jeff Gordon's team. Dixie said, "I think Jeff just got Brian on the team cuz he had to have somebody really cute to put up against Jamie!" Always perceptive, that Dixie.

After a restart, there was some great racing between race leder Kurt Busch and his arch-enemy Jimmy Spencer, who restarted in front of Kurt. (Later, Spencer lost his engine and caused some other guys to spin on his oil.)

There was more hot action between the #24 of Jeff Gordon and the #29 of Kevin Harvick. Some close, close racing under green resulted in a round of "car bitch-slapping" when the caution came out. Damn, y'all make it look so sexy! After a restart with 122 to go, Steve Park wrecked out. Then the long-winless Rusty Wallace in the #2 car spun the #20 of Tony Stewart, gathering the #18 of Bobby Labonte and the #29 of Kevin Harvick, too! After a restart at 239 of 312, our super #1 fun boy Jamie McMurray raced like a champ and took 5th away from Jeff. But Jeff wasn't having it and took it back. Good racing, boys!

There were just 9 laps to go at the final restart! Jr. was up front, followed by the #48, the #12 of Ryan Newman, and Kurt Busch. When the checkers flew, our DeVine 91/2 fantasy team held down places 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 10. This week in the points, Kevin slid down three spots to 6th. Ouch! Johnson moved up to 3rd; his master Jeff to 4th; and Kurt moved up two, knocking Bill Elliott to 10th. Will Matt close the deal at Rockingham (I think he'll need 30th or better), or make us wait until Miami? Stay tuned, race fans!

WHO WAS THAT HOT GUY?

This past weekend, we met some cute Queen City queens who were in the ATL for Halloween visiting our buds Dana and Danny. Well, one of these fellows told us that he had often seen Jeff Gordon toting a big shopping bag through the housewares section of the Belk store at South Park Mall in Charlotte! Isn't that something! I used to shop often at Belk when I lived in South Crazyland, but I never got a treat or trick like that.

ELLIOTT FAKES THEM OUT

In the week before the Atlanta race, the media assumed that at his press event at SciTrek (it's a science-fair theme park for kids), Bill Elliott would announce his total or partial retirement from NASCAR. Imagine everyone's surprise when Bill instead kicked off his own brand of meat sticks and fried pork rinds! Ha Ha!

Things are not nearly so salty and crunchy, though, up at Thunder Road, the racing museum and Elliott shrine in Bill's hometown of Dawsonville, an hour north of Atlanta. It is headed for foreclosure, according to media reports, with more than $10 million in unpaid loans guaranteed by the federal government. (It is operated by a development authority.) The article I read put the blame on the economy, which is all Bush's fault, if you ask me. Sorry to say, I never visited this museum, though I do motor up to Dawsonville sometimes to shop the North Georgia Premium Outlets.

"OK, THIS IS A GAME SHOW, IT'S ON TV, THE HOST IS DONNY OSMOND--"

"Pyramid!" Sorry, but I had to go ahead and get warmed up to play -- NASCARS stars Tony Stewart, Matt Kenseth, Jamie McMurray, Jeremy Mayfield and Christian Fittipaldi are scheduled to be on "Pyramid" November 10 - 14! Donny and Jamie together will be about as sweet as Easter peeps in maple syrup! I can't wait -- sorry for the last minute notice on this -- check your local listings.

That's it for this week, racing buds and babes. Let's all get together at the Rock -- I'll see y'all at the Track Bar!