Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Well, all of y'all that have been on me saying Jimmie Johnson should be on our DeVine 91/2 fantasy team have another stick to beat me with this week, as the #48 rolled to victory in the New Hampshire 300. It was certainly, as my girlfriend Janet noted several times as she glided between the bar and the pool, "a wrecky, wrecky race!"

We were still unpacking the Buick over at the girls' house (we don't get TNT, you know, on our bargain cable package, so we have to get out the house for those races) when Jimmy Spencer got John Andretti all turned around and wrecked, said John, who was very bitter about it. His boys even took tore-up pieces of their racecar and left them at Mongo's hauler! Meeow! Jimmy reminds me of those characters on "The Little Rascals" who only came around to kick somebody in the butt or knock a dressed-up little girl into a mud puddle. Does Jimmy have any fans?

Rookie Greg Biffle, who had his first Winston Cup win at Daytona the other week, got in the news this week for a dust-up with Jeff Gordon. Seems like Jeff's boys told Greg's boys that if Greg, a lap car, let Jeff the leader off to a quick start on the restart, that Jeff would let Greg get his lap back if there was another quick caution. Well you know there was and Jeff wasn't about to let Greg back on that lead lap! Greg got so mad he forced Jeff up high and got called down to the big trailer after the race, y'all! Greg gave an interview that had a lot of cussing for a NASCAR driver in public, pretty much said he'd been played for a chump by the four-time Winston Cup Champion, whom he called "two-faced."

The NBC announcers said Dale Jr.'s boys thought they had been playing it too conservative and needed to go for the win "no matter what!" I guess that was evident when the #8 spun the #2 of Rusty Wallace! Later, large pieces of Rusty's car would fly over the fence! Ouch Mama, that was my ear!

We were thrilled to see Jamie McMurray lead laps 147-159! Jamie cleverly stayed out during a caution and was the dude to beat for a while! He was a good guy to fellow rookie Greg Biffle, letting him get his lap back when another caution occurred. Then later, Jamie's brakes went out on that #42 Havoline Dodge, it got all wobbly and turned around, and Jamie hit the wall hard backwards. I did not see him interviewed later, but they said he was OK. That was another of those crashes blocking the driver's side where it's hard for them to escape. I am glad NASCAR is testing the new roof escape hatch -- they should get that in the cars pronto.

After such a wrecky race -- 63 laps under 12 yellow flags -- there was a long green flag run at the end, making it all about the 76 racing gasoline. Jimmie was up front, but did he have the juice to pull it off? "Willie Makit?" some asked. "Betty Dont!" others retorted! In the end, Jimmie did make it, and even had enough left to show out on the track.

Well, our team this week had four of the top five, pretty sweet, and we've got seven of the top ten in points! Go, you spunky race monkeys, go!

NEW BORING COMMERCIALS

Have y'all noticed how even y'all's friends who hardly ever watch NASCAR will still comment on how bad NBC's coverage is? I know I have!

I could tell even NBC was feeling the heat this week. After missing Jamie's crash, they came back and said very apologetically that they could not "cut into the commercial break" (as if they ever have!) because it was a break for the cable affiliates, or some such. But I could tell they were getting a clue to how bad the fans think their coverage is.

But, to give them credit for trying: They showed an old annual photo of Allan Bestwick, who was hella foxy with some blond "Brady Bunch" type hair. Some of y'all stopping by the trailer have told me you think Allan is cute -- I'm seeing your point more and more! Now let's get him in the hot tub with one of the other guys, like in that cute bit those FOX race announcers did!

SATIDDY NITE DOWN TO THE TRUCK TRACK.

Saturday night on Speed, we watched some of the NASCAR Craftsman Truck race from St. Louis. We like the #8 of Bill Lester -- Bill, who is black, is a big step forward in NASCAR's effort to appeal to folks of all flavors. Bill is also the new box model for Cheerios -- you go Mr. Man! Also, Bill and I were actually in the same article last week in the Atlanta Constitution: it was about NASCAR and diversity. He received considerably more attention than I did, but I'm not jealous. Bill finished 22nd.

It was also fun pulling for the #50 "Graham for President" car being piloted by Jon Wood -- Jon finished 11th. We like this car because Jon looks like a sho-nuff hottie, and we offer a big ol' "thanks, darlin!" to Sen. Graham for sponsoring a truck AND for calling for Bush's impeachment!

Y'all I will keep saying it: The traditional race fans, the blacks, the gays, the Latinos -- we've all got to work together to throw Bush out! You KNOW we have lots more in common with each other than we have with these Republicans -- let's put whatever silly differences we have behind us and take back our beloved country!

WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN?

Wow, last week I got an instant message from a gentleman who said he had been a major player in Winston Cup racing for years. When I Googled him, it turned out he was indeed a biggie! Am hoping to talk with him again soon.

CELIA SIEMPRE!

OK, this isn't about racing, but you'll thank me for the dish. I confess that I did not know too much about Cuban-born salsa star Celia Cruz until she sadly passed last week. But this lady is getting sent off like the Super Queen of all time! She passed in Jersey -- handling the arrangements is Frank E. Campbell's, THE funeral home of New York superstars, where Judy herself was buried from. Then they had a public viewing of Celia in Miami, followed by an evening mass at a fabulous pink cathedral with a hunky priest. Then they brought her back to Frank E. Campbell's for a private viewing on Sunday, followed on Monday by an all-day public viewing, followed on Tuesday by a horsedrawn march down to St. Patrick's Cathedral for a public funeral mass, followed by burial in the Bronx. But y'all here's the best part: Celia's longtime make-up artist confirmed that she will have "at least four different looks" for the many viewings! Now that's going out in style! "Az™car, darling! Az™car!"

Thanks for stopping by the trailer, race buds 'n' babes! Let's get together next week for the Pennsylvania 500! See you at the Track Bar!