Welcome, gay Nascar fans! I'm sorry I didn't post an update last week recapping the Winston, but I side with Tony Stewart -- it's not a real race. Also, I've been on vacation -- Dixie Richardson and I went on a wonderful trip to Orlando and Daytona Beach! Much more about that later --

It was certainly Jimmie Johnson's Big Week at Lowe's Motor Speedway. He won the Winston -- whose process is so complicated I felt sure a new pope would be chosen by the end -- and then won the rain-shortened Coke 600. There was something really limp about watching the Lowe's car win twice in a week at the Lowe's track, and the 600's length being slashed by the rain just seemed to fit into a kind of overall gyp-fest, entertainment-wise, anyway

The best part of the Winston -- I know, I said I wasn't going to talk about the Winston -- was when they introduced all the crew members for each team and they came out through these little doors, just like they were in a beauty pageant, or a game show, and then finally the driver came out. It was interesting that so many drivers were booed -- the 24 and 20 car drivers most of all, of course. But everyone went Absolutly wild when Jr. was introduced. It was sheer pandemonium. "All the guys want to be him; all the women think they can change him," to quote a line from a recent "Simpsons."

We were horrified to see South Crazylands's Gov. Mark Sanford involved in the festivities at the 600 -- he introduced a flyboy with a cockpit cam in one of the flyover jets, who then gave the start command. It was also disgusting to have to look at that Stealth bomber at at both the Coke 600 and the Indy 500. I think we can be patriotic without having everything look like an updated, Westernized version of a Soviet military parade.

Let's see... what else has been going on...

DARRYL WALTRIP JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!

DW just keeps proving over and over why he is the King Dick Pharaoh of Nascar announcers. On Sunday, noted that Richard Petty drove with sunglasses on "and a rag hanging out of his mouth." Does anyone know about this "mouth rag" of Petty? Is that sort of like a "biting stick?" Tell me if you know!

Also on Sunday, DW commented on some rough early racing: "You can do that lightly and you can do that slightly, but you can't do that all nightly!" (If you've got friends like mine, you surely know people who need to hear that message!)

And finally, the best recent DWism: At the Winston, Jeff Gordon and Tony Stewart touched off at least two wrecks each. After Stewart wrecked out the 5 car of Terry Labonte and the medical workers came to take the drivers to the Infield Care Center, DW said, "That's how it goes: The guy you run over, you gotta ride in the ambulance with." That pearl reminded me of the moral of the classic "Showgirls" -- "There's always somebody younger and hungrier coming down the stairs right behind you."

COLOR MY WHIRL

There have been some cute new paint schemes lately, especially at the Winston. (Why does this race keep haunting me??) It was very slick that Mark Martin's Viagra car had been painted white -- I was recently blessed to be able get a lovely white Buick Park Ave, and thought this was a sign that Mark and I like the same things, like white cars, and Viagra!!!

On Sunday, I adored the old-timey "icicle" paint job on the 97 car of Kurt Busch -- it was advertising Rubbermaid's "Blue Ice" product for coolers! What a fun thing to advertise! Y'all, I am so glad it is summertime!

SPEEDWAY SHOUT-OUTS

I want to send out a special hello to legendary Atlanta drag/rock star Diamond Lil, who invited us out to her dynamite show after the 600 at the Metro, and to the magnificent Jayne County, who is visiting her relatives here in Georgia. With any luck, I'll snag a picture of these two together and share it with you, my wonderful friends!

Well it's been an exhausting and fabulous vacation week for me, dears, and I have to cut this short and rest up now. Please be sure and read Helen Bailey's account of all the fun they had at the Winston!

See you this weekend at Dover!